The Enemy of Self

Last evening when I was reading the book "Little Pilgrim's Progress" to my son, Cole, God really ministered a strong and comforting truth to my heart.  In chapter 19, our story's hero, Little Christian, met up with the first of many terrifying enemies of the Wicked Prince that he would have to fight against using his new armor.   And it says in the story that as Little Christian came near to this enemy he remembered his enemy's name because he had seen him before.  "He was one of the chief officers in the army of the Wicked Prince and he was called SELF!"

Self?  WOW! The enemy of SELF!  And God showed me that this is the very same enemy that Satan has been trying to use in my life to defeat me of late.  My fearful, controlling self!  

I can specifically remember being a young girl and struggling with the scripture Matthew 10:28, that says, "And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."

"I can clearly remember thinking how is it possible not to fear what can kill my body? I am quite attached to it."

But the truth of the matter is that until we grow into a more full understanding and vision of a heavenly perspective of things, we will continue to fear what kills the body far too much.  And what makes the struggle most unbearable is not just the fear of getting sick , growing old or of being physically harmed but rather the forgetting of the great love and future plans that our Heavenly Father for us.  

And as for me, some where along the way, my focus came off of my Father's power and love and was place squarely on the ferocity of my great enemy named SELF!   

I took the time today to read in that same chapter of Matthew 10 and what I found just past that scripture was God's great loving and protective declaration towards us.   It reads, "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows." (Matthew 10:29-31)

I am not a "poor thing!"  God is good to me and mine!  And the One in Whom I placed the trust of my soul is very aware and in control of all that is happening around me.  He loves us well and is teaching us in the midst of all that is transpiring.  

I am learning and I am growing but I do find that I am a little bit more hesitant than before to sing songs like, "Refiner's fire, my hearts one desire...." and am more apt to pray things like, "Make me holy as I must be... and Lord, be merciful to me a sinner."  (ha ha) 

But I really do want to say thank you to those of you who have been praying for my family.  Thank you also for the many words of wisdom, truth and encouragement that many of you posted in the comments.  I really appreciated every single one of them!  I drank them in as water to a thirsty soul.  I am truly blessed to know that there are so many godly women out there who are willing to speak the truth in love!!!  

By way of a praise report I do want to share a few personal updates.  First, Scott is doing so very much better....He is healing a bit everyday! We went on a family bike ride today and he felt good the whole ride.  My mom still has pain but she is out of the hospital and doing better.  Baby Charley, who I mentioned was in the NICU came home to my friends the Corbiells and he is doing well and perfectly healthy now!  The Show Hope Trip to China has been wildly successful thus far and God has kept them all safe.  My friends Tammy and Tony Nolan received their adopted daughter, Joy, in China today!!  My children are healthy and God has provided wonderful godly people for Scott, the kids and me to fellowship with here in our new hometown.  My husband has been a very good counselor for me this week, taking the time to sit down and discuss my struggles and to respond by speaking the truth in love to me even about my own challenges; and this has brought such life and healing for me!  And lastly, I have finally found a way to get green vegetables into my children's stomaches - I have added little bits of Parsley, kale, spinach and beet greens to their carrot-apple juice that I make in the morning and they still like it! SO AWESOME!  Thank you Jesus for all these wonderful things! 

Comments

[Stacie]

If you're looking for more greens ideas... Try a green smoothie. It sounds gross, but it really isn't. My kids love it. In the blender put a cup of water, a banana, an apple, blend, fill with spinach (or what ever green really), blend, and you can add more spinach again and blend if you want and blend in a handful of ice cubes. We also add virgin coconut oil to ours (or flax seeds). We used to put raw honey in too, but find we don't need it.

Another one kids really like is crispy kale. Rip the kale into pieces (without the stem that goes down the middle) toss in olive oil on a baking sheet, stick in the oven at 375 for 10 to 15 minutes (check on it so it doesn't turn brown, you can turn them and/or take out the pieces that are getting crispy sooner than the others). It will get thin and crispy. Shake on some salt and eat - it's a little like french fries in a wierd sort of way.

[JulieinCA]

I am going to buy that version of Pilgrims Progress to read to my kids. I know it will be good for all of us. I am thankful to hear you are doing better. Matthew 33-36 is our family verse.

[Joni In MN]

Oh Hallelujah for baby Joy!!! Congratulations to Tammy & Tony! :-)
^5 to ALL the rest of the Good News! Wow, what an exciting week for you ~ so kewl!
And a hug to Scott for being so supportive to you! One thing I (we) lacked in marriage was communication which I believe is #1; led to divorce... I'm so happy for you two! :-)
Many Blessings,
~Joni Lee

[Debbie from Ohio]

So nice to hear the updates on Scott, baby Charley, the adoption of little "Joy," the China Trip, and the healthy greens you got your children to have....God is so good. He cares about all things however big or small. God bless you!

[Claudine Thompson]

Kerry,

So glad to hear all of the wonderful updates! "God is faithful, even when we are faithless." What hope that verse gives me! Will continue to pray.

On the physical note: I also used to do green smoothies for my kids (now I don't have to always conceal -- they love all healthy food). I used organic plain yogurt (cow or goat), spinach, and whatever fruit anyone wanted. Always had a banana for sweetness & an apple. Everything else varied based on the season. The other way my kids always got greens was to put BarleyGreen & Beet powder in a small glass of diluted apple juice.

Hope some of this is helpful :) I had to start living this way years ago when my now 15-year-old was almost 2. They wanted to put him on an inhaler, he had pneumonia twice, and BELIEVE me -- I treated that little guy like GOLD when I was pregnant w/ him -- I wouldn't even have a cup of decaff or take even 1 Tylenol with him. I wondered, Why God? I've tried to do everything so healthy to keep him well. He had allergies to things like wool, mold, animals, and "the cow" -- in any form. I never had to give him the inhaler. As long as I could "control" the allergens and irritants and strengthen him with daily walks, adequate amounts of pure water, and lots of healthy food, he did great...and still does. It's a pain oftentimes, mostly b/c of the persecution you get from people (like I'm trying to deprive him). But...walk a mile in my shoes & see what you might do! I thank the Lord that He gave me the wisdom -- it most definitely didn't come from my own pea brain!

Sorry for the length. Sometimes I know it helps to hear you're not the only one...

(((Many blessings))),

Claudine T

[Jessica]

Kerry,
I didn't know exactly where to write this and I hope you get it... but I just wanted to say, that I have had an EXTREMELY hard 3 years and reading your blog is so comforting and real. I love Jesus with all my heart and love serving Him in the ministry. I love how in your blog you say here it is, this is what I'm struggling with. and then you say ok here is the word I'm standing on. It is so nice to see someone else admit, "I struggle and it's hard but here's the word." That is so not ok in some churchs. Thank you for your honesty and humility. Praying that God is the lifter of your head and that it WILL get better, because IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!
His love,
Jessica

[Nicole Baker]

Kerry, Hi! I just found your blog today. Funny that I had just been reading your words in the Hope for the Journey adoption companion book from Show Hope! Then I follow a link then another link and I am at your blog! We are in the process of our 5th adoption... we are adopting a little girl who resides at Shepherd's Field at Philip Hayden Foundation. You may know her! Her name is Holly and she has a giant congenital nevus on her face. We have been sponsoring her for 2 years and the Lord totally blessed us with her adoption paperwork. I am still in AWE of His works! Anyway... great blog. I read words that I really needed to here. So I THANK YOU! Praying for you as well!!!
Blessings,
-Nicole Baker
www.bakerssweets.blogspot.com

[Christine]

Hi Kerry, a few posts ago you mentioned you and Scott were part of a study on grace-based parenting. I have heard this term lately and was wondering if you could give a little more information. I googled it and see there is a book by Tim Kimmel. I often struggle between should I demand obedience or loosen up and it sounds like this might be a book about the middle ground. If you don't mind sharing is it the one you are studying and would you recommend it? Glad to hear your kiddies are eating their greens, wish I had started when mine were younger.

[Julie]

Kerry,

Glad to hear the positive updates, including getting to get the kids to eat their greens.

I do have a prayer request to ask - I'm having cervical fusion surgery next week. It's the first surgery I'm having since my Dad passed last Oct and I'm nervous because he is not here.

Thanks and continuing to pray for healing for Scott and all of you.

Julie

[Vanessa Schaecher (from Nebraska)]

Kerry...can you tell me how I could get the Hope for the Journey book that Nicole mentioned in her note to you? I would like to read it... vns1978@windstream.net