Free to Praise

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30

From the very start of worship this morning while attending our neighbor’s home-church service, I was having a very difficult time. Something was blocking my heart’s ability to praise. What had gotten in the way, I wondered. I tried to shrug off the strange feeling and choose to praise, but my heart just got heavier and I truly didn’t know why.

I finally mustard up enough concern about my state that I asked the Lord to search my heart and reveal what was getting in my way of praise. He took my mind immediately to a conversation I had the day before. It certainly wasn’t a significant conversation but a name of someone who had hurt me in the past was mentioned. So, there it was, a weed seed had fallen on the soil of my heart and I took it right in, allowing all the old emotions to return, followed up by a foolish refusal to take them to Jesus.  I thought I had forgiven, I thought the memories had faded, but apparently something in me was still lingering. I was still holding on to something harmful to my heart.

I was now sitting in worship, surrounded by others who were honestly and intently praising and this irritation, this past pain which had now surfaced, was keeping my heart far from the Father’s and far from peace. I prayed throughout worship –literally through all 8 songs. “Lord help me to forgive, help me to love, help me to forget the pain” It was so long ago and the circumstances seemed so irrelevant now. “So, why now Lord? Why now?” And what must I do to fix this situation and to fix my aching heart. I had sought reconciliation in the past, but still the relationship wasn’t fully restored…or at least I had not been fully restored. Must I wait for my Christian sister to apologize for the wrongs she had done before I could be fully healed, I wondered. “What would you have me do now Lord? I don’t want to carry this burden of hurt any longer.”

We had all been encouraged to bring something to share today with the group. And so our time of sharing began and my answer literally came with my neighbor’s very first words. She pulled out the Litany of Humility by - Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val and began to read:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, 
deliver me, Jesus. 

From the desire of being loved, 
From the desire of being extolled, 
From the desire of being honored, 
From the desire of being praised, 
From the desire of being preferred to others, 
From the desire of being consulted, 
From the desire of being approved,

From the fear of being humiliated, 
deliver me, Jesus.  
From the fear of being despised, 
From the fear of suffering rebukes, 
From the fear of being calumniated (slandered or gossiped about), 
From the fear of being forgotten, 
From the fear of being ridiculed, 
From the fear of being wronged, 
From the fear of being suspected,

That others may be loved more than I, 
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.  
That others may be esteemed more than I, 
That in the opinion of the world, 
others may increase, and I may decrease, 
That others may be chosen and I set aside, 
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, 
That others may be preferred to me in everything, 
That others may become holier than I, 
provided that I may become as holy as I should. 

So, there it was - my answer - Humility.

My mother used to say while I was growing up, “Whenever you find yourself thinking of or speaking of your hurt, remember that most often the part of you which has been hurt is your PRIDE!”

Just before I had left my house to head to the fellowship that morning, I had picked up a book and read a short devotional, which at the time seemed unrelated to my life; but I now realized God’s timing could not have been more perfect. For the words read, “When someone asked [the man] to define humility, he answered, “Humility is when you forgive someone who has wronged you before he expresses regret.”

Before the service was over, I was thanking God in prayer for sending these trials into my life. They were necessary to reveal that which was still alive in me and was keeping me from His greater peace. The offenses which come against us do not cause us to sin, they simply reveal what sin is already there and needs to be addressed. And so, may we praise the Lord for the little crosses in our lives which if handled by the Spirit can bring greater peace and deeper wisdom to us.

After service today I felt as if a Mac truck had run over me….flattened perhaps…but free indeed! True humility does not come easy, (reread the litany - its requirements are not easy to meet) but if entered into by the power of the Spirit of God, true humility does bring freedom – no longer burden by the yoke of unforgiveness but freed by Jesus to worship in Spirit and in Truth.

Comments

[Cindi M.]

Thank you, Kerry.

[Debbie from Ohio]

An awesome revelation! Praise God for the freedom from that burden! God is good! Thanks for sharing that, I enjoyed reading it.

[Jody Ferlaak]

You have written it out here so well. My heart resonates deeply with your thoughts and their truths- which are so very hard to grasp and especially hard to put into practice in one's life.
My own testimnoy speaks to this very message. At the end of this month, we mark the death of my daughter and tragedy in my family caused by a woman we didn't know who was on a suicide mission when she chose to drive her car into the restaurant where my family and I sat eating Sunday brunch. The day couldn't have been more 'ordinary and perfect' in my life, when suddenly- in an instant- someone else's actions changed the course of my life forever.
I remember the nightmares still, so clearly. I remember the anger I felt toward this woman- toward evil and selfishness in this world. I ached because of sin- and came to a place where God so obviously was commanding me to offer her forgiveness. Just as He had already forgiven me.
It wasn't easy to do. I fought it up until the day of her sentencing. She never said she was sorry. She never showed remorse. I sat in the courtroom with a broken heart at the loss of my little girl- and this woman couldn't have cared less.
And still, I found that God filled me with peace as I shared with her that we hoped she would use her second chance in life to find Peace and Hope. We wanted her to know that redemption was available to her.
What I learned and am still learning is that I have a choice to forgive. I have the privilege of knowing God's grace and mercy and it's not a result of anything I have done...I deserve death and yet God has redeemed me.
What a humbling thought! What an amazing truth. I thank God over and over that I know His love and grace and mercy and I have come to even thank Him for the pain and grief in my life for it has made me more sensative to so many people and Scripture.
I wouldn't choose the path of hurt and tragedy, but having the power of Christ in me to forgive the 'unforgiveable' has been so beautiful and incredible that at times it feels almost worth the pain.
I long for Heaven and realize that one day God's judgement will make all things right and new for all. In the meantime, I continue to seek His will, to try to live humbly and to share His message of Hope and forgiveness to anyone who is willing to listen.
I'm blown away that God would use me to do such a thing- it is a calling to which I never would have responded, but I praise Him for choosing me for the task.
I will pray for you as you continue to choose to forgive, and in so doing, find that God pours Himself out into your life in new and mighty ways.
Blessings for this journey you are on...

[Amy]

Thank you for your post. Over the past 2 months your devotionals have really spoken to me. I lost my mom because of cancer and it has been so hard. I wanted her to be there to see me get married and to be there when I have children. The hurt is so deep. God has most definitely used you to speak to me. I cried when I read the post "maria's rainbows". When i wasn't sure whether or not my mom was truly saved the Lord used your post to confirm that she was with Him. He had given me a rainbow before she died and I think I am the only one who saw it that day. Well, thank you again Kerry. I check your blog every day.

[emily]

I think is not a coincidence that I chose to look at your blog. I've been in bed for an hour tossing and turning and feeling anxious about stuff in life from the future, to relationships that are hurting, etc.. i decided to come to my computer and your entry was perfect. First of all, i needed to see that verse 'for my yoke is easy and my burden is light'. Second, what you shared was great-something we all need to learn from-asking God to show us what is in our hearts and when we are in sin. Pride is something I struggle with but don't often see it as that. I have throughly enjoyed reading your blog over the past few months. It has ministered to me greatly! Also it has further pushed me to love orphans more and to consider adoption more seriously-still praying for my hussband in that area!

[Beth Hamilton]

Kerry, Your wisdom is amazing and anointed! Thank you for your obedience in sharing your heart and what God is teaching you. God has placed this message about choosing humility and forgiveness in my heart over the past several weeks and your words (and the moving litany) only pressed them deeper into my heart. You are a true encourager and speaker of the Truth. I thank God for you and your ministry here!

[Sarah]

I don't know that I have much to add except "AMEN".

[Melissa]

Kerry, every time that I come here, I learn from you and todays post was a gift to my heart. Thank you and please know that I am praying for you.

[Kim in Seattle]

What a beautiful Litany! I have now printed it because I need to read it every day. Thank you for sharing honestly. I needed this reminder right at this moment!

~Kim