First Grade Theology

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"  Proverbs 15:1

"Mom, I believe that Daddy's telling the truth. He's an adult and said he's fine so you should believe him and not keep asking him," said our six-year old son, Cole, as he gently interrupted my interrogation of Scott.  

It can be so difficult for me to just ignore the "silent" treatment that I sometimes get from Scott when he is in his contemplative silent mode.    

I responded, "Thanks Cole, I suppose you are right. I will leave Daddy alone while he's thinking."

Cole said,  "You're welcome mom, I like helping you learn to FUSSER."

"Fusser?  What's fusser?" I asked

Cole then said some of the most profound words I had ever heard from a child - and it was all about a word we had never heard before.  

He said, "Fusser means not talking strong at somebody even when they are not being nice to you. Fusser is when you hold back.  I have to fusser a lot with Maya.  When she gets cranky and strong with me, I just can't yell back at her because if I do then she won't be able to understand what I'm saying. That's fussering. Or when you ask dad if he's angry and he says that he's not, but you don't believe him. Fussering means that you choose not to keep asking him and hold back so that he can understand you"  

While he was talking I thought, I want to institute this concept in our home because it is so right to do, but where in the world did he come up with such a word.   

I then asked Cole, "So does fussering mean sacrificing?"  

He went on to explain how the two words were kind of the same but still different.  He explained that sacrificing is like what Jesus did on the cross and how that was kind of bigger than fussering because it was so we could all be forgiven of all our sins.  He then said, "And you know what Jesus did even more than just fussering or sacrificing, he did the most amazing thing in the whole world ever, He rose himself from the dead."  He explained how fussering is not exactly like sacrificing but how both are important to do.  

We threw out words like self-control, self-discipline, sacrifice and love as we tried to find a synonym for the word fusser.  But Cole responded by continuing to explain that these words are all a little different from the meaning of fusser."  As he was getting nearly exasperated with our line of questioning, he said, "O.K., you need all these things, but they are each like one little grape by themselves...and that if you put them all together it makes a big bunch of grapes so then it's better. Does that make sense?" He asked.

"It makes a lot of sense," Scott answered as we held onto every single wise word this little man was saying.  Scott went on to talk about the importance of being a peace-maker through patience and explained that this seemed to be what Cole was describing. 

As we were finishing up our very interesting conversation, we told him that we think we understand what Fussering is and then we tried to explain it back to him.  "So what you are saying Cole is that fussering is when we choose to hold back when we are really upset with someone so that we don't get into a big argument and so that the conversation can stay peaceful and everyone can be heard. right?"  

He said, "yes, you can say something to them first, but if they don't stop being strong with you or are being mean back to you, like Maya is to me sometimes, then you need to choose to SUFFER and hold back so it doesn't get worse."    

SUFFER!  SUFFER!  FUSSER meant SUFFER all along! 

But because Cole said fusser instead of suffer, we were able to listen and learn from him far more clearly.  In a sense, God was using Cole to hold back through fussering with us so that we could keep hearing God through him.  I realized that because we had grown so tired of the word suffering that I certainly would have dismissed his words before really hearing him if he had used the word suffering. We had wrongly been thinking of "suffering" only as something that happens to us rather than something that we choose to do for the love of God and one another.  

Suffering! The word fussering was suffering. Crazy! And one thing we learned was that our little boy had been consciously choosing to suffer for his sister's sake.  So, now that he was asking us to be willing to suffer for one another's sake and for the sake of peace in our home, we realized that we ought to follow his example.

Today's lesson from a first grader reminds us of the proverb which says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." 

And it was Jesus who so clearly reminded us of the importance of learning from the little ones among us, "[Fusser] Suffer the little children come unto Me!"  Unless you become as a little child, you can not enter the kingdom of Heaven."

Comments

[Jessica]

Wow... I needed that today (especially the part about believing what other people say ("I'm not mad at you") and not continuing to ask...). Thanks so much for sharing this - I've got a lot to mull over now!
God bless!

[Diane]

So good!!!

I sat here in my laundry room, wondering, fusser....hmmm, seems like Kerry and Scott are asking all the right questions...you mean sacrifice or self-control or....I never thought of SUFFER!!! God is so good to allow us all to learn from your precious Son, Cole!!!!

Thank you, Kerry, for sharing your Cole with us and thank Cole, too:)!! I must say, my mind and heart are still reeling over and over on the post about idolatry before this post. Here is what I was thinking. I, also tend to be a fixer, but, not always, more than likely not at all:( a peace maker. I think I can talk or fix other people's moods....notice, I'm getting into what your Mama calls the "I" category. If I would just rest in Jesus, and suffer in silence instead of prodding the other person, thinking I can help or have the answer. I'm thinking the real Peace would come into my home much quicker....into my life.

So, please tell Cole, thank you!

[Sarah]

Wow! How precious was that!? This totally hit my heart and made so much sense. I will definitely be working on 'fussering' this next week, especially at work where people need my compassion and caring rather than my words and rightness!
Thanks Kerry!

[Debbie from Ohio]

What a revelation! Thank you for sharing the "fusser" story with us.....smart thinking for a little guy....God uses children too!

[Christine]

What a wonderful way to hear God speaking to you, through a six year old. How wonderful to have the reminder of what it is to have the faith like a child and their understanding. Thank you for sharing this life lesson from Cole.

[Shane]

You are so true - I would have never listened to my little one if they said the word correctly. Great insights!

[Julie in CA]

That reminds me of something my son Conner would say, what a powerful lesson. So glad God used Cole to speak to you.

[Dawn Wilson]

A friend sent me your "fusser" blog today and it touched my heart. I passed it along to a friend of mine, Arlene, who has a similar life. Amazing how one life touches another... and you have touched mine today. Blessings, Sister!

[Deb]

Oh, Cole! Thank you for teaching us about fussering! It is a lesson I so need to learn. You are brave and wise and so kind to share what you have learned! I believe you are one of the best teachers I have ever had! I pray blessings upon blessings upon your heart and head tonight, with some for your Mom, Dad and sister as well.

[Joni in MN]

:) {{{{Cole}}}} Such a dear child of God! Thank You for teaching us to be patient with one another :)

Kerry~ You have one Godly family! I'm so thankful you "share" them with us here in Blogland!
I was raised IN church but that's where it stayed... at church! Took years later to "practice/live" a Christian Life AT Home (outside the Church bldg). One thing I learned thru Joyce Meyers was, "It's how you live IN the privacy of your home..."
Your words today remind me of that :) Even though I live alone, I often have a friend here that can bring "Fussering" & I NEEDED to read this today!
Tomorrow (the 20th) I'll be having "Ulnar Nerve Transposition" Surgery (Elbow)... things could get a bit frustrating trying to accomplish... would you all please pray for my patience & "Suffering" :)
Thanks so much & May Your days be filled with Peace, Joy & Love,
~Joni

[Caroline Salehi]

So wonderfully beautiful, and so very precious !!!

Thank you for sharing your blessing of 'fussering' for one another, with us. It has great potential to become a new word in our household!

God bless you!

[Kimberly]

Profound words from that little one, you are doing a very good job with him!

[valerie (in TX)]

wow. I pray my children will be so used of God and so sensitive to His Sprit as Cole is. Thank you for sharing, Kerry. I've definitely got some fussering I need to be doing in my own home!

[Kim]

I love the way he thinks! You are so blessed, Kerry. :)

I didn't know that Caleb and Julia were also there, so I am adding them to my prayer list for China by name now! :) I had lifted up Emily and Tanner, Tabby, and the rest of the gang. I didn't know their names. Now that I know Caleb and Julia are there; I will say their names too. :)

[Patty Smith]

Cole is such a wise young man! Thanks for sharing his words of wisdom.

And on another note, I've asked for prayer on here a few different times over the past couple months and we finally have our answer. Its been a long, crazy, faith building, God adventure and I'm overjoyed to say that we received approval to adopt an older girl who is going to age out from adoption in China this July. She is at Luoyang and we can't wait to meet her in a few months. Praise God for this long journey, its a very long crazy story and I know there were some people here praying for God's will in this situation and I'm so thankful for all the prayers. I am always in awe at how God works. Its truly amazing.

Patty
PS
(I'll write the whole story out on my blog soon--after I get recovered from our vacation, if anyone is interested in reading it--it may be helpful to anyone struggling with adoption ups and downs.......)

[Melissa]

WOW!!! speechless. I love when God uses his little children...LOVE IT! Amazes me to know end. You got one wise little boy there who hears the voice of God, and is watching his parents live a life loving Jesus!