Kerry Hasenbalg

Imagining Heaven

But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him." I Cor.2:9 The world in which we are living is certainly a broken one. When Scott returned home from his trip to Texas he shared the news with me that our dear brother in the Lord from Nashville, David Lipscomb, had lost his battle with Pancreatic cancer and gone to be with the Lord. David and Geoff Moore, a member of the Show Hope leadership team, worked together as partners in the Christian music management company “Overflow.” David, who was an extremely gentle and caring soul, was survived by his loving wife Robi and his two devoted sons. Once he shared this sad news with me, I, in turn, shared the news with him of three young ladies with whom I am acquainted, who are all, this very week, in the process of losing children or have already lost children, via miscarriage or stillbirth. Once we were able to take the time to share these tragic things and then to really pray together for these folks, we very quickly received news of two major injustices occurring in the lives of other loved ones. Both injustices fueled by selfish-ambition and jealousy. So much pain and brokenness! So much heartache! So little justice and so much sin in the here and now! But, you know, I have found myself reacting to these kinds of things very differently than I did a few years ago, before losing Isabella. First of all, I believe that I care more deeply and more empathetically for the pains of others and much more easily cry over their sorrows. Yet, I more quickly locate a place of inner hope by listening closely to the Echoes coming from Eternity. I remember shortly after losing Isabella wondering how I could find solace in the notion of heaven since I couldn’t even picture such a place. I would never leave any of my children in a place that I hadn’t visited or thoroughly reviewed first. But in the case of heaven, I was not given that luxury before Isabella went to this place of having seen it first. We hear of how there will be no more pain or sorrow, no more injustice or death…but without any real picture it is difficult to fathom what this hope of heaven practically looks like. While sitting in a car parked at the Nashville airport, alone, waiting for Scott to come, I found myself in tears and honestly crying out to God to help me really know in my inmost being that heaven would really be a good place, and one that she an, eventually I, would enjoy. “How can I long for something I can not even picture, Lord? Please give me something that my mind can grasp so that I can have a peace that I so desperately desire! Help me to know that heaven will really be as good or better than here.” And then this very old and strange story came to my mind. It is the story of the architect of St. Basil’s cathedral in Russia and his interaction with Czar Ivan, also known as “Ivan the Terrible.” Ivan heard about the great talents of this one world-renowned architect and so commissioned him to build the most beautiful church his mind could create in the center of Red Square. The Architect agreed and went on to create the magnificent onion-domed cathedral know today as St. Basil’s, a site which perhaps most recognizably symbolizes Russia to the world. When he was finished on the church, Ivan the Terrible came to him and asked, “Do you think that you could possibly create a structure even more beautiful than this?” And when the architect answered that he believed he could, Czar Ivan ordered his eyes to be gouged out, because Ivan knew that if this man said he could make something even more beautiful, then he most certainly could. Now, I know this is a horrible story, but for me it was what the Spirit used to remind me that if God, who has created so many amazing things on this earth and in the heavenly skies, says that He is making a new earth and a new heaven which are even beyond what our eyes can see or our minds imagine, then I know it is true. Would it not be the creator of this earth that we would commission to create the next, particularly if He has told us how superior will be His promised works of art? Ever since that day at the airport, I have practiced imagining the greatness of heaven. Yes, I know that it says that it will be beyond what we can imagine, but I have realized that even the best that I can imagine brings great joy to my heart and helps me in gaining an eternal perspective. Now, when I watch documentaries about nature such as the amazing series called, "Planet Earth" or ones about the various galaxies, I find myself not only marveling at the wonder of the works of His hands but also growing excited about what my Isabella and those with God in heaven must already see and understandings clearly. Because it won't be any less amazing than what we can already see and study here! Cole asked me today actually if he would be able to have an imagination in heaven too! I said, "Yep, but your mind will be able to imagine things even more amazing than it already does." . Heaven will be everything wonderful we can imagine here, plus a lot more wonderful things without any of the bad, sad, or painful things. He liked that answer Cole and I swim laps together on a regular basis at the local community center. And everyday that I am swimming, I take the time to dive down deep and then I imagine what it must be like to breathe underwater; and I always think, “Certainly my little Isabella and the others with her can breathe underwater in heaven. And most certainly the creatures she meets in the water are magnificent and fun to look at.“ When I used to hear about the deaths of amazing saints of the faith, whom I may have met in the life but haven’t gotten the chance to known very well, I would feel a sense that I had missed my last chance to really know them intimately. But with the recent passings of saints like David Lipscomb, Judy Sorensen, and Calvin Howe, I felt a very different sense, almost as if I was suddenly spiritually closer to them, because I realize now that they now know me very well, and that from a heavenly perspective our relationship has already begun to grown more intimate, just as someday soon, when it is my time, I too, will know them very well. "For we will know as we are known," or so the scripture says. When heaven starts to become more real then the future relationships of heaven too become more real to us. And perhaps nothing makes heaven so necessarily real as having your own child living there and a relationship with a personal God that ministers back to us from eternity about it. We are in a sense still pacing here in the waiting room, as if sitting in the lounge room before our names are called individually to the banquet table, yes, that's here on this side of eternity,...almost like we are still waiting as orphans in the orphanage knowing we have been match with our new adoptive parents and a father who promises to come, but we are not yet in our new home with our new family yet nor are we able to benefit practically very much from our full and final adoption. So, in the meantime, while we wait, I believe we must just continue to walk in the steps God has prepared for each of us, by loving well, in word and in deed, the others who are waiting with us…and certainly praying for our fellow "orphans" who are currently being profoundly affected by this broken world. Because eventually these steps will lead us on into a new heaven and a new earth…a place where what is now broken will at last be restored!

Scripture Pictures

My mother is a very gifted photographer. What's more she is diligent to put her pictures in scrapbooks for her children and grandchildren. Nearly all of the pictures I post are taken by her. I hope you enjoy some of the beautiful scenery pictures she has taken.

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise." Psalm 100:4

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..." Hebrews 6:19

"Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path..." Psalm 119:105

"Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path." Psalm 27:11

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it..." John 1:5

"Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, though Your footprints were not seen." Psalm 77:19

Biblical Candid Camera

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"Ecc. 4:10

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair, gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." I Peter 3:4-5

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation." Matt. 26:41

"...And a little child will lead them..." Isa. 11:6

"Come unto Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28

Cole's Divine Appointments

"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions." Joel 2:28

I am a homeschool teacher who can't draw much more than a stick figure. Sad but true.  We all have our gifts and our areas of weakness...Art is one of my super weak areas.  My two-year-old asked me to draw her a doggy on a piece of paper and when I did she told me that it didn't look anything at all like a doggy.  And she was right.  So, in knowing this great weakness of mine, I was thrilled to learn that my first cousin, Andrea, who was an art major in college, was teaching art classes for kids 6 to 12 once a week, all year long, at a real art studio here in town.  I signed Cole up as soon as she had an opening.  

This Tuesday marked Cole's third art class.  Although he is the youngest, he really enjoys going. When I arrived to pick him up, Cole was holding a giant heart made out of wire and papermache as well as a dinosaur collage to show me.  He was so proud of these projects and they truly looked amazing! 

As soon as Andrea saw me walk in she had a huge smile on her face and she said, "Kerry, I have to tell you something."  Then she came over and said, "Because I so wanted to see Cole get into the collage project, I decided to go down to the Salvation Army to see if I could find a magazine with Dinosaurs in it because I know he loves dinosaurs. I found an old national Geographic which ended up working well.  Anyhow, before I left the store, I was milling around the back of the store and I found these dinosaur stampers (wooden stamps with dinosaur impression on them with colored stamp pads for stamping), so I bought them for Cole to use before and after class for fun while he's here.  So, when he came into class today and I gave him the stampers He said, "I used to have dinosaur stampers just like these" and then referenced how he hadn't seen them for a long time."  

 Andrea continued, "Then as I was turning the box over to take the tape off of it, there on the side of the box was written the name COLE.  Apparently, these were actually his dinosaur stampers that I found at the Sal. Val!  

You have got to be kidding me, I thought!  These kind of extraordinary things seem to happen to Cole all the time.  I told her I didn't remember giving them to Sal. Val., but it was clearly his name and clearly written in my messy handwriting (perhaps bad handwriting is a sign of a poor art student:), but considering we have moved twice in two years and we have made innumerable trips to the Salvation Army to give away unneeded things, I was pretty convinced I had been the give-away culprit.  Busted but blessed nevertheless in the end. 

Cole's Divine Appointments - Part II

While I was in Newark airport a few weeks back waiting to board my plane bound for El Salvador, I gave me husband and kids one last phone call to say good bye and give them my love.  Cole asked if he could just talk to me for a minute just to ask me one important question.  He got on the phone and immediately asked, "Mom are you going to be seeing any of the Wonders of the World while you are there?"  I was pretty confident none of the wonders of the world were located in El Salvador, but I didn't want to crush his spirit by giving him a negative answer, so I said, "I don't know of any there, but perhaps, why do you ask?"   He said, "Because I was just thinking that if you do, I would like you to take some pictures of it for me."  I said, "If I see one of the wonders of the world, I will absolutely take pictures for you."  

Two days later, our group was driving in a van out to meet up with one of our Salvadoran contacts at her lake home to discuss the orphan projects we had come to observe and support.  After about an hour in the car, the driver of the van, who only spoke Spanish, began trying to explain something to us - something which seemed very important because he kept saying it over and over again - in Spanish. The only problem was that we did not have a Spanish interpreter in the car with us who could tell us in English what he was saying.  I had four years of High School Spanish, a language which I haven't spoken a word of in nearly twenty years, so I figured I wouldn't be of much help.  However, since, no one else spoke more than Dora the explorer cartoon Spanish, I listened in to see if perhaps I could make out generally what he was saying.  After trying to interpret his words one at a time, what I came up with was the statement, "Look at this lake, it is known as serpent Lake, and it has just been nominated as one of the new wonders of the world."  And as I was finishing the questionable interpretation of the sentence I thought once again, You have got to be kidding me.  Did he really say that?  No way!  After what Cole asked me, this is too weird.  "God, you are certainly funny!"

So, I asked if we could stop the car and take some pictures for Cole. I actually ended up video taping as well so that I could tell Cole about his prophetic word live standing in front of the newly nominated wonder of the world, crater lake.

Since returning home, I have learned that there is in fact a new campaign to select seven additional natural wonders of the world and that Lake Coatapeque, Crater Lake, in El Salvador is in fact on the list of nominees, as it is a gorgeous lake over 3,000 feet deep and formed inside a Volcano. Cole and I have decided to add a bit of study about the remaining 77 nominees for this project to supplement our home school science and nature class. Then Cole can take his turn visiting the website and voting on his top seven choices for the new wonders of the world.  Official site for New Wonders of the World

On the Home Front

The kids and I are doing well.  They have finally recovered from their illnesses.  We had a great few days with Scott home last weekend, and now that He is gone to TEXAS for the week, God is being so good to give us the grace we need to enjoy and thrive here at home. And we are confident that Scott will be home safely soon, considering Cole's recent prayer request, "Lord, you know everything about this country, so you know that there are a lot of dangers in Texas like rattle snakes and buckaroos, so please protect my dad from all these things and bring him home safely, Amen."   

Teachable Moments

"Teach [the ways of the Lord] to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deut. 11:19

"Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord." Psalm 34:11

Out of the blue, from the back seat of our minivan, yesterday, Cole (6 years old) said, "I don't know why I said I wanted Obama for President. He's gonna raise taxes and take more money away from the people."

Scott was driving and I was in the front passenger seat.  Scott and I looked at each other shocked again by the words that come from Cole's mouth, especially considering we have not talked with him about the tax issue at all.  (But we were very aware that Cole had been outspoken about wanting Obama to win the election.  He kept telling us back then that if Obama won, many people would end up running into God's presence as a result.)  

So, I responded to Cole's inquiry about Obama and taxes by asking, "Cole, how do you know about that? Where did you hear this?"

Cole answered, " Well, isn't that what all Presidents do? Make the place more and more expensive for the people to live. I heard about it when you were watching the news on TV."

"Oh, I see", is all I could say.

Cole continued, "So, if I was the President, first I'd have to handle this big money problem; and I bet it would be like having a lot of yelling children all around you. As President you got to fusser with the whole country. (That's Cole's word for "suffer" which to him means hold back your frustration so that people can hear and understand you. - for more insight into Cole's teaching on "fussering" see the blog entitled "First Grade Theology".)

Cole went on, "Then when all that's settled, and while my tax preparations were being handled, I'd get soldiers to help the other things, since as President you have to make everyone free.  I mean let's say there was a bear in central park in NYC, I'd have to handle that too."

Then Cole paused and asked, "What other kinds of problems do Presidents do?" 

After I pulled myself together, trying to conceal my surprise and laughter from all that his little mind had apparently been processing and his mouth had then rattled off, I said, "Presidents are part of making new laws as well - they approval or reject the laws that lawmakers write."  

Cole said, "Then I'd make a law that said you can't get in the water unless there's a lifeguard or an adult.  And also I would say that no one's allowed to get on the roof because its dangerous.  And also no one's allowed to break into another person's house."   

And that was all Cole had to say about that.  

Wow, little minds are so impressionable.  Children see and hear everything!  

What a strong reminder for Scott and me that now is truly the time to take every opportunity to teach our children the things of God.  They are little sponges and we want them to soak up the true and life-giving water of the Word of God.  Because based on this interaction, it seems that Cole is not too young to comprehend some pretty deep and complicated concepts!  And it is interesting to me that the Lord gives instructions to parents to teach their children the laws of God when they are sitting at home and when they are walking along the road, when they lie down and when they get up. 

So, two things are necessary, first that we are present with them (really present - not on the computer or talking on the phone) (during daily activities like taking walks, sitting together at meals, when we tuck them into bed and or when they wake) and second it is necessary that we are willing to teach them the things of God at any and all of these times as opportunities present themselves.  And when we are present, we know these times do present themselves.  My mother calls them "teachable moments" and we don't want to miss them.  God instructs us not to miss them! Oh, Lord, help us not to miss them - Help us to be truly available for the sake of our children!

As a result of this conversation with Cole, I've decided to add to our prayers with the kids, praying for our President and other leaders.  It is something I do in my prayer time, but until this conversation, I hadn't thought to pray this way with my children.

According to Your Faith

Hal Helms was a man who sought to hear to the Father's voice and desired truth in the inmost parts. During his lifetime, Helms translated a number of Francois Fenelon's letters into English. I recommend any of Fenelon's works.  Also during his lifetime Helms kept private prayer journals which included the things which he believed the Spirit of God was ministering to his heart personally. Since his death, two daily devotional books have been published using excepts from his private prayer journals.:  "Listening to the Father (volume I) and Listening to the Father (volume II). Those who were close to him were so blessed by the truth and love of God that they read in his journals' pages, that they decided to share them in published form with others.  Both are written using God speaking in the first person, because, again, Helms never intended them to be shared with the world, but rather to be used to change His own heart as He sought with all his strength to hear the still small voice of God and to record this in words as his mind understood them.      

In light of the last blog, I wanted to share the devotional excerpts from these books which I read this morning under today's date, February Twenty-first. 

  

Volume I:  

"According to your faith be it unto you."  Matthew 9:29

"Your trouble in receiving, My child is your trouble in believing.  Not only these words that I give you day by day, but many other gifts I would freely bestow in answer to childlike faith.  "The simple heart that freely asks in love, receives."  I seek a people who are not afraid to believe boldly. History is a record of My faithful response to this kind of bold praying.  I see instead, the tendency to rely on human schemes and worldly wisdom - and there is not simple, bold faith in that.  So My blessing is delayed or its magnitude is diminished.  "According to your faith be it unto you."  I set "impossible" goals before you to prove My power and goodness.  You say, "They shall abundantly utter the memory of Thy great goodness."  Why? Because they were faced with their own limits and My limitless goodness.  Think on these things today, My Child, and grow more simple.

Volume II:

"But concerning love of the brethren you have no need to have any one write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another." IThessalonians 4:9

My son, out of your depths you called upon Me, and I answered you.  I have brought you through the dark valley and into this place and time of light.  Know of a surety that it is I and not another who has done this.  I want you to be so grounded in My faithfulness that you can share it with others.  The inner knowledge you have gained through your recent trials give added strength to your words to others who are facing dark times in their lives.

Moving the Mountain of Self

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear"  IJohn 4:18

I just ran across a wonderful thing tonight written by a friend of mine, Naomi, who is still in the very long process of waiting to adopt her child, which she has been matched with, from China.  I thought it was worth sharing her words because to me it speaks a profound, but perhaps difficult to hear, truth:  She writes, "I believe that God can move mountains and take us to China earlier if it is His will, but I also believe that He wants to move the mountain of self and unbelief in our hearts first."  

So, to you, my sister in Christ, Naomi, I say, "wise words, and AMEN!"   I believe the biggest spiritual mountains standing in the way of us experiencing greater and more blessed things in this life more readily are very often the mountains of our own self-will, pride, fear, jealousy, idolatry, judgment, and certainly unbelief. ...We stumble more over our own issues than probably anything else that is "in our way".  And perhaps God allows these circumstantial things to be in our way, so that we will notice the nasty blemishes of our souls which we are now being forced to address out of necessity and desire to move on.  It is God's great love for us that He often calls us to wait..and wait..and wait for certain blessings and resolutions to come to pass so that He can do a great and necessary work in us in the meantime; which is often the building up of our faiths...believing first what we cannot see. So that when our desires are fulfilled, we are surely aware that the credit and glory belongs to God. The Father's goal is to transform us into a beautiful church, as a radiant, faithful and humble Bride for His Son, Jesus. He desires for us to know His love for us and His ability to save.  He cares far more about our holiness than our happiness at this point in the eternal scheme. Are we complaining that we haven't reached our individual promise lands in our timing, all the while circling in the desert because we can't see where we are going due to the mountains of our own sin blocking the way. Instead of blaming God as we often do, we perhaps might take a page from the days of Moses and thank the Lord for long-suffering with such a stiff-necked and unbelieving people as us. It may seem that we are the only ones waiting, but let us not forget all the patient waiting God is doing on us as well (not to mention all the saints who have waited and learned patience before us).  

And as for the orphans and other vulnerable one who wait while we wait, we ask you Lord to be with them and comfort and protect them in the meantime.  We claim your scriptural promise specifically for all the children who are waiting to come home at last, which says "We know that you are able to keep that which we have entrusted to you until that day."  We also know that you are not causing all the delays which "plagued" or human hearts, but we also believe you are using the these things to transform us along the way. And while we are "waiting", please help us choose not to fear or get in a mode of worldly striving and self-righteous control which can harm us and others. Minister to our hearts of your fatherly and unfailing love.  

God knows what stands in our way and He loves us, and so we must simply keep making our requests known to Him and then trust Him to do what is best for us.  And most assuredly, in His timing, He will answer our prayers and move what must be moved for His will to come to pass. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want...I shall trust and be willing to see what He is showing me about me - in me - so that I can be as He intends me to be for His glory and for my blessing. Everyone has times of suffering and waiting in this life, but not everyone grows in faith and matures in character in the process. Much of the outcome in us is our choice to enter in to His love and light.    

"He went into all the country around the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.As is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet: "A voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him. Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth. And all mankind will see God's salvation." Luke 3:3-6 Our part is still the same - prepare the way by repenting of our sins and being willing to be cleansed. And His part as well is still the same- move the mountains, straighten our paths, smooth what is rough, and Save us! Lord you tell us in your Word that if we had the faith of a mustard seed, we could moves mountains...We want to have this necessary faith. "Lord, we believe, please help our unbelief." Naomi's Adoption Blog Link

It is Well with My Soul

Usually I wait to write a blog until I've had some time to process what's gone on around me and hopefully after I have garnered some sort of a spiritual lesson in the process as well.  That being said, the reason I have not written over the last couple of days is because it feels like I am still in the "thick of it" and I haven't had a moment yet to process a thing.  But since you asked, here goes:     
      Cole and Maya are still sick.  Their coughing wakes them up throughout the night - Maya got up like seven times last night.  I get her back to sleep quickly each time, but I then had troubled falling back to sleep myself.  The kids and I came and spent the day today at my parent's house with my mom.  We only intended to stay for a little while, but we got comfortable and didn't want to leave.  So, I decided to go and get Cole's homeschool books over at my house (only a mile and a half away) and do his homeschooling at my parent's house.  I borrowed my mom's car, which unbeknownst to me had no gas in its tank. I ran out of gas nearby my house in the middle of a hail storm.  I walked back to my house (in the hail storm) to get my car and just left her car there in the middle of the road.  My brother came to the car's rescue later with a can of gas.  When I returned to my mom's, I found Maya standing at the door crying because I had left her - apparently she had cried the whole time I was gone.  A few hours later she threw up all over me. So, I took her upstairs in order for us both to get a bath (vomit covered us both) and while we were in the tub she got soap in her eye and screamed nonstop while I tried to flush her eye out with water. Never a dull moment!
      On another note, every time Maya has seen me head towards the bathroom this week, she immediately runs in front of me so that she can remove her potty seat before I get there because she doesn't want anyone to sit on it except her.  Yesterday, she said, "Mom, I couldn't find you, where were you?"  I said, "Maya, I was just in the bathroom." And she took her little two-year-old pointer finger and pointed it straight at me and said, "Mom, you didn't sit on my potty seat, did you?"  She is so hilarious!
     My mom and I had a good laugh this afternoon.  While I was homeschooling Cole, I received a very important email on my handheld from the Attorney General of El Salvador and another phone message about a high level government partnership to help orphans that I've been working on...Mom inquired about the messages and I started explaining to her about them in brief, but then when I went on to tell her something that I found very exciting, she assumed it was going to be about this important email or phone call, but instead I said, "Mom, I had no idea that words like "table" are spelled with one "b" and words like "bubble" are spelled with two "b"s based on whether or not the vowels are long or short.  She laughed and laughed and said, "And I thought you were excited about these high level interactions, but now I realize it is learning during Cole's homeschool that makes you most excited these days, you are learning your spelling rules at last."  We really laughed.
     And my house is a total wreck.  Cole said to me last night, "Mom, I think its time to do laundry."  I simply said, "I agree."    
     So those are the external happenings at the Hasenbalg household (sans Scott).  As for what has gone on inside of me....I have had total peace throughout it all!  It has been so strange.  Ever since laying down my fear and embracing this time of Scott being away as the Lord's will and choosing to accept his provision of Grace, I have felt just fine - actually more than fine - really good.  My kids are actually great company.  They make me laugh and keep things interesting.  And, well, I am very happy my parents live so close.  We are sleeping over at their house tonight.  I said I am really good, but I am also really tired. Anyhow, I suppose I do just like the little things...the daily little funny things.  And I do live in the moment most of the time and when I do, I am the happiest.   When I am fearful, I can even take a smile the wrong way and this is when I am usually the most unhappy. But when I am trusting God even covered in throw up or when running out of gas in a hail storm, I don't get bothered much at all!
      After Cole's swimming class tomorrow (and my chance to swim laps) and home school, I will tackle cleaning my house.  And I am sure that if I am willing to trust God and have my identity be wholly in being His child, then all will be well with my soul.  Thanks for your prayers and sorry for this stream of consciousness blog.   But you did ask!

Grace for the Moment

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:25-26

Scott left at 6am this morning for Nashville for the week.  As for the kids and I, we never got out of our pajamas today.  Well, Maya eventually did because she wet her pajamas, but Cole and I bummed it all day.  The day turned out a lot more peaceful than I thought that it would.  Both kids had fevers and Maya threw up, but it really was peaceful nevertheless.  We got some homeschool in and then spent the rest of the day hunkered down reading books, eating homemade chicken soup and watching dinosaur documentaries.  (I usually make soup when there's some sickness or sadness in the house, and today was no exception).  But if anyone had witnessed our home yesterday and particularly my attitude, you would have thought that today was going to be a terrible day.  Most of yesterday I was consumed with worry: worry about insignificant petty things and worry about big things which are clearly beyond human control.  And unfortunately for my husband it showed.  UGGH!  Will I ever learn.  At one point I did ask him for his thoughts about all the things I was ranting about; and he responded simply, "Kerry, I just think life is too short to spend time worry about these things."       

During my growing years, whenever my brothers or I were preparing to head out on any kind of a trip, my mother started worry about our safety well in advance.  And when the trips involved "dangerous" things like skiing or traveling abroad, mom would be sure to remind us that we really needed to be more cautious with our lives and each of her lectures would include the words, "Remember only fools go where Angels fear to tread."  We were all risk takers (Bobby more extreme than the rest of us, and perhaps more than anyone I've known), and my poor parents constantly worried about us.  I used to think it was strange and unusual, but since growing up I have come to realize that this worrying thing is really quite common among all mothers.  And since becoming a mother myself I find myself feeling the same way and acting the same way....stressed and irrational in preparation for an upcoming trip for any member of our family going away.  There are so many things that can happen, and after living in this life for a few decades, mothers usually start mentally storing up worse case scenario thoughts in preparation for a loved one's departure from the home.  

Since returning home from Honduras on Friday I haven't once left the house, and it's now Monday night. I suppose I am taking the concept of a "stay-at-home-mom" to a whole new level.  On Friday my own mother wanted to bless me since I had been away this last week, so she did my grocery shopping for me. Awesome! The reason why I haven't wanted to leave is because of Scott's upcoming trip to Nashville. I just wanted to be together and relax as much as possible since we will be together so little this month.  Although Scott will return this weekend, he turns around the following week and goes right to Texas.  Considering it was Valentine's Day and we were all together hunkered down at home, one would think that our fellowship would have been just wonderful - and much of it was; but unfortunately, thanks to my fear,  I ended up acting irrationally sad and even angry a number of times.  Thankfully,  I kept recognizing that I was reacting out of fear of him leaving for so long and us being alone that I kept apologizing throughout the day for acting irrationally. And God Bless little Cole...On three separate occasions he reminded me to "fusser" with Dad and hold back my feelings and words.  I am really learning empathy for single moms and widows!  

  

So, after all the worrying that I did yesterday about today, what did it profit me?  Nothing.  As a matter of fact, I am reminded by the unexpected peace that came over our household today that GRACE IS ONLY FOR THE MOMENT - Grace is a present thing, not a future thing!  I didn't need the grace for today yesterday.  I needed the grace for yesterday, yesterday.  And it was there, but because of all my worrying about today, I missed out on much of the grace I needed for yesterday when God gave it, yesterday.  And as a result I wasn't the blessing to my family I wish I had been. 

Yes, in a practical sense there is much that can go wrong in this life.  Each moment is a gift really.  But when we are God's, then we are His and in His keeping - He is our great protector. He knows our goings in and our comings out; he has all of our days number; and He loves us.  All my worrying is doing nothing good for me or my relationships.  So when did the worry end so that I could access the grace I needed for this day?  It began last night when Scott prayed over all of us before bed, for our protection and peace.  And it came over me fully this morning when I awoke and finally took the time to turn over my worry to God in prayer.  I mean I really prayed in a trusting way; asking God to protect my husband and bring him home to us safe and sound.  And in that moment when I prayed I also knew that no matter what may come, even if things I worried about did come to pass, that even then, right then, His grace would be present and sufficient.  Fear profits us nothing, it only takes from us!  

Regarding the picture below:  when I am feeling a little melancholy, I go to great lengths to feel comforted, and I bring my children along with me...even if it means eating soup on the couch!  

My Interview with Inner Compass

For those of you interested in the issues of orphan care and adoption, you may want to watch my interview with Inner Compass. You can access the interview via the link below and then scroll down to interview #911.

Inner Compass Interview

Chapmans on Huckabee

"I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will teach you both what to do and say." Exodus 4:15b

If you missed Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman's interview last evening on the Huckabee show, then I highly recommend getting online and watching it.  It was absolutely wonderful - honest, transparent, God-glorifying, and truly beautiful!  There was reference on the show to the fact that Mary Beth was asked later than Steve to be on the show; but what wasn't made so clear was that she was called at the hotel and invited to come and join the show super last minute.  And I am telling you that in my opinion the Lord was truly glorified and His people were edified by what the two of them had to say - and Mary Beth was a critical piece of that picture.  I am all for being diligent in preparation for anything the Lord puts before us.  But when the Lord calls us to something last minute, there is something amazing that often happens when we say yes to Him and allow him to do what He has done for many saints in times past, including Moses..."just open your mouth, and I will give you what you are to say."  And in the case of the Chapmans on Huckabee last night, He sure did fill their mouths with Words of His Spirit.  

It is difficult for both SCC and Mary Beth each time they share about their tragic loss of Maria in such a public way and it was terribly difficult for them again this time.  As Mary Beth said, "There were many tears afterwards and old wounds opened."  But I know that God will continue to be faithful to heal them even more deeply; because it was clear that it was the Almighty who called them to share so honestly and vulnerably with so many in the first place. He is always faithful to provide the grace wherever He guides us.  Let us continue to pray for them as we are part of their same body - may we hold them up in prayer as Aaron held up the arms of Moses when he was fatigued in his own calling. 

If you have a chance, tune in to Fox and Friends tomorrow morning, SCC will be on the show. You can view Huckabee show with Chapmans via link below:

Chapmans on Huckabee

There's No Place Like Home

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. Matthew 18:10

I am so very happy to be back home with my family!  And to return to a clean house was an extra and unexpected blessing.   I heard Bill Haas did a great job holding down the fort on his end as well.  Way to go Bill and Scott! 

Scott did say that it wasn't that difficult to get things cleaned up, especially all the toys, because Cole insisted on calling him "Master Obi One" all week and was willing to follow each and everyone of Master Obi One's instructions. (It seems that at some level the fact that he saw some of the Star Wars movies against my better judgement has had some redeeming value after all)

I am particularly impressed and surprised by the fact that Scott and Maya didn't abandon potty training. I'd say that's quite a feat.  And like many of you told me in the comments, she did in fact get right back on track when I returned home.  

I told Cole that I missed him and Maya and Daddy very much and that I thought about them all the time.  Cole responded with, "I am sorry to say Mom that I didn't think of you all that time, only sometimes, because Dad kept us really entertained doing fun things like bowling, going to the bouncy house, reading books, watching shows, and playing star wars. So, I am sorry for not missing you that much.  I really do love you though."  

Maya on the other hand has told me every few hours since I returned, "Mommy, you left me!  Mommy, you left me and I was so sad.  Why'd you leave me mommy? I was so sad."  Apparently, she made up a solemn sounding blues song about how her mommy left her and didn't come back, which she sung over and over again to Scott during my time away"   

Last night, as I was lying in the kids room, embracing Maya in one arm and Cole in the other, while they were falling asleep, I began thinking of the severely handicapped children at the home for disabled children in El Salvador.  I began picturing myself not just holding their hands or caressing their faces and heads as I did while I was there; but instead I pictured myself taking them out of their chairs and holding them and hugging them as I do my own children.  My heart began to break as I lied there beside my own children knowing that these children were not being held with such loving arms, and I knew that this was God giving me a tiny glimpse of His broken heart for them.  

This morning for our family "Valentine's Day Activity" we each went around and talked about some things that we love about one another.  And when it was Cole's turn to talk about His Daddy, he said, "Daddy, I love that you work so that we can have food and electricity and that you also work to take care of orphans."

Just as Cole said to his Daddy on earth, I would like to say to you Lord, as My father in Heaven: "I love that you provide for all of my needs and that you also take care of orphans. Father, please do cover and comfort those children who are alone and do bring parents to love them as their own on Your behalf!  Father, forgive me for not truly grasping how important are these little ones to you.  Continue to give me more of your perspective and heart for people!  And teach us all to love as You love Lord!     

Suffering Gives Way to Compassion and the Search for Justice

For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:5

I began working in orphan care and adoption before I was ever married.  And although my motivation for joining this kind of work was based primarily on a general sense that God was calling me into it and secondarily based on my interactions with street children in Russian and Brazil as a college student, I was not motivated by something as personal as having adopted a child into my own family as so many others are.  

Actually when I was single and working at the adoption agency, I had talked to so many families struggling thru the pain and loss of hope that comes with miscarriage, infertility, or death of a live child, that I had started to become convinced that suffering in childbearing was more the norm than actually being able to conceive a child that would live.  I had also become pretty convinced that the best cure for infertility was adoption because so many of the people with whom we worked would in fact conceived just after committing to adopting or after having brought their adopted child home. It seemed to me as if God was "holding out" on placing a child in their womb, out of love for a child who was waiting for them somewhere else in the world. I used to actually picture orphans around the world praying that God would make room in families for them and then I would picture God trying to console these couples struggling with childbearing with the idea that God was seeking to use them as an answer and fulfillment to the hope and prayers of these little children.  He wasn't trying to take their hopes of children away, but rather send them on another path to receiving them. No matter how skewed from reality this perspective may have been or still may be, I have found myself very grateful to have had it because when I had my first miscarriage I knew that I was not alone an that there is more than one way to build a beautiful family. Although it didn't make take the pain of the loss of my first daughter less at the time of the loss, it did lessen the pain of feeling as the only one who'd lost the hope of having a child and helped in the area of hope.  And it also caused me to go immediately to God and ask if He now planned a child through adoption to be placed in that place and to make me completely open if He had. Scott and I have told the Lord over and over again, "We are willing, please lead us."

What we had not anticipated was that after our second loss, the death of Isabella, that God would call us to care for and work most diligently on behalf of children in countries where adoption is not working well and where there are long lines of legitimate families waiting to receive referrals for children.  The first was when He sent us to China back in May and now the second is this trip here to Central America. When I was first asked to go on this trip to El Salvador and Honduras, I had a number of reservations.  But most of these reservations stemmed from the issue of having lost my precious isabella and the heartache which would inevitably come in holding abandoned babies and knowing that apart from "working"the system I had come to try and fix, I would not be able to adopt any of these children.  Knowing that these two countries in a practical sense are not really open to adoption, I was certain it would be a little bit more difficult for me on a personal level to be with these babies. And it was!

There are over 400 foreign families in El Salvador whose dossiers are waiting at the central authority to adopt children, but only a few dozen children who have been available all year for adoption.  It isn't that there aren't children in the institutions who need to be placed in a new families because there are - many; rather it is that the legal paper work is not complete on these children and as a result these little ones remain "stuck", languishing in the institutions.  There is also a long line of families waiting in Honduras and only a handful of children qualified for adoption for some of the same reasons as in El Salvador:  social workers don't have cars or gasoline or even sometimes the sheer will to transport themselves out to the orphanages to gather information on these children.  Each time the governments change over here, the heads of the government institutions which oversee the different parts of the process here also change, and it is is like starting over in many senses.  Some of the private nonprofit organizations don't really want "their" children to be adopted because their donor support depends on these children remaining in their care, which makes it very difficult to get information on the children.  And on and on and on the reasons innumerate. 

 

I can say that we did in fact make positive headway in so many areas on this trip.  We were able to evaluate and support the good work that is now trying to complete the children's paperwork for the purpose of permanency (in both countries) so children can return home or be adoption domestically or internationally.  We were able to promote a public census to determine an accurate number of children and their ages and life situations in government care.  We were able to see that prospective adoptive families who began waiting to be "matched" with children nearly four years ago, will begin moving closer to being "matched" with children, Lord willing. And that if the changes we came here to see made are in fact implemented properly, then more children will find forever homes and waiting families will have children in their homes at last. And this is all good news for these children and the families currently "in line". 

But for me personally it does not make my family story much different (at least not today). If I were to join the process right now, I would insist on being placed at the end of the line just like most everyone else has to do. This choice is not because I would not be tempted to do otherwise, I am human and temptations come to all.  But because I could not and would not strive to manipulate in this way because this is NOT the place of God's blessing.  And I so need God's blessing and grace in my life.  This world is too broken and painful to risk trying to "work" human systems for selfish ambition and then have to go it alone when the consequences for my actions come knocking.  

When I held this one little infant girl today, who was probably six months old, with beautiful curly black hair, and as I felt her warm skin up against my cheek while she held my finger so tight and would not let go, my heart broke even more than it would have in the past. All I could think about was how much I would love to just take her home with me. My Isabella had curly jet black hair also and for some reason this made it all the more difficult.  Lord, it feels like we have two giant "holes" in our family for children to fill and that too few people care or are motivated enough to get this little girl's paperwork out of the dark abyss of a political system that is still so very broken.  Where is the justice Lord?  I know you are here, Lord, please comfort me so that I can continue to work. And of course my faithful God began to comfort me while this child was still in my arms. First he reminded me that she is not a number to Him and that He created her and that He loves her.  Second, that although it looks like a dark abyss to me, even the darkness is like light to Him and that He knows exactly where her paperwork is and what her future will be. 

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! Isaiah 49:15 

I also understood from the Lord that although I hated how painful this has been for me, that it really is good (in kingdom sense) that my heart ached so deeply for these children and for the waiting families because it was now my own losses which were helping compel me even more strongly than in the past to "fight" for these little ones to be placed in families just as God intended. And I also sensed that God was calling me to not underestimate the power of my prayers over the little girl or my obedience to come and be open to love even though it hurts a little bit more.

So, again, thanks for your prayers for our trip and for my heart.  Bless you!  

Hello from Honduras

Anna is helping me blog again because I really enjoy her perspective on things, seeing as she’s 17 years old and wise beyond her years. – not to mention she is my roommate and I am too tired to think for myself what to blog.

“Anna tell me about your day,” I asked. 

Anna’s response:  “Well, when I arrived in Honduras I was certain that our plane was going to crash by overshooting the world’s shortest runway, situated on the top of a very steep mountain.  Kerry had given me horrible stories about her past landings here and when she gripped my arm with her nails, I realized she wasn’t overstating her trepidation.  As it turns out it was the best landing we could imagine on this tiny runway that concludes with a cliff view and a sharp 90 degree left turn.  But as we drove away from the airport, Brian validated Kerry’s concerns by pointing out the remains of an airplane, which had crashed several months back in the valley just below the tiny airfield because apparently it had overshot the runway and fallen off the mountain as a result.

The next big thing we did was to go to a local orphanage and orphan center to talk with the social workers and attorneys who are assigned to qualify the orphan children for permanent placement thru IHNFA and in cooperation with the same gov’t organization..  Each of these ladies from the NGO side of this working partnership shared with us their most touching stories from the last three months of visiting orphanages and qualifying children.  Each story they told was more horrific than the next. The talked of children who had been burned, abandoned, abused or even left alone to totally starve to death.  Although we were devastated to hear about some of these specific cases they have reviewed on children, we were just as encouraged to see their sincere hearts through their tears and  their work on behalf of these same little ones. 

We then had the opportunity to do a little craft that we brought with all the 80 kids in this facility.  We brought foam visors and hundreds of little stick-on decorations to use with each child.  Before we started the craft, Kerry shared some words with the kids in Spanish that we had prepared together on the plane ride down.  The man who sat next to us on the plan ride from the States helped us write down our hearts for these kids in Spanish.  We shared with the children about how according to the Bible God is the father to the fatherless and also that He is the King of Kings…and that as a result, these kids are very special from God’s perspective and from ours, like members of the royal family, because they are children of the Almighty King.  And we told them also that we are very honored to be spending time with them.  I believe that this message really set the stage for their good behavior that we experienced during the craft time.  When we have done these crafts in the past, the children tend to be much more rambunctious.  But this group stayed respectful and orderly, acting truly as little princes and princesses while we were together.  They loved doing the craft.  As a matter of fact, each child ended up decorating two visors (as did each of the caregivers – they too loved this craft.) 

Because we had so much fun with the kids we were having a difficult time leaving this group of older kids.  But we did eventually say good bye, give hugs and move on to the section of the center which houses the infants and toddlers.  In one room there were four cribs covered in netting, with one caregiver in an adjacent room.  All four children were crying when we arrived.  We each picked up one of these gorgeous children, held them and prayed blessings over them and their future.  We were hesitant to return them to their cribs knowing they would again start crying but we realized that eventually we would have to do this inevitable and sad thing and have to say good bye.   The last section we visited was for the toddlers and when we walked in we were greeted by the happiest and jolliest little boy ever.  Now that’s the best way to be greeted of all. We gave each of the children some snacks and it was really neat to see the joy on their faces as the received these little gifts.  These children were gorgeous and so sweet – every one of them.  And again, it was so very hard to leave them there motherless and fatherless.  I asked God before I left to really be the comforter and sustainer of all of the children we met today and on the rest of this trip.

El Salvador - Day Two

"The Lord keeps every promise forever and is the One who gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry.  The Lord frees the prisoners and opens the eyes of the blind.  The Lord lifts the burdens of those bent beneath their load.  The Lord loves the righteous and protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and widows, but He frustrates the plans of the wicked.   Psalm 146: 7-9

Anna and I are sitting here absolutely exhausted in every way, not to mention very greasy!  We have only been in El Salvador for two and a half days, but it seriously feels like we have been here at least a week!  Can they possibly fit any more meetings or emotional encounters into this already crazy journey. We are so spent, emotionally and physically – but exhilarated at the same time!  Our morning began with a long meeting with ISNA, which is the government entity that oversees all children’s issues in the entire country.  After this meeting we visited one of the local child protection centers populated with severely handicapped orphan children.  The time we spent with these children was absolutely heart-wrenching. Each of the children were sitting in dilapidated wheelchairs and all were pretty much totally non-responsive.   There were a number of young girls between the ages of 8 and 15 whom they called institute interns walking among these children and eating ice cream.  What we found out was that these “interns” were in fact young girls who had been abused and are now living together in this facility with these other handicapped children.  This was clearly an extremelyunder-funded and understaffed institution and not one of the children we saw was in proper condition or was receiving much more than enough to simply stay alive (at least based on what we saw). The experience was extremely emotional for all of us because at this place we saw very little light or hope. 

Next we visited a daycare facility for children and young adults who have cerebral palsy but are still being cared for in the evenings and weekends by their own biological families.  This facility was started by four wealthy Salvadoran families, all who had biological children born with cerebral palsy.  One of the founders told us that the greatest gift God ever gave to her was her daughter with cerebral palsy and that it was this gift of her daughter that caused her to have empathy for the poor families of El Salvador who were forced to beg because they had handicapped children and could no longer go to work and for the children themselves who were treated like animals in the society.  This center provides schooling, therapy, medical care, and training in a trade as the children grow and then when the children are grown it will employ them in one of their workshops or bakery for the purpose of earning a living.  The things produced at this center were very good quality – love the cookies, baby blankets, and the pocket books.  It was incredible to see the huge contrast between the deplorable condition of the children in the first center and the positive condition of all the children in the second facility. The hopelessness we felt and could be seen by the tears on all our faces (particularly Jeanie’s who completely fell apart) at the first facility was replaced by a sense of hope after visiting this one. We actually had invited some representatives from Joni and Friends (Joni Earekson Tada’s organization) to join us for the tour of the facility.  (We had met them at church the day before).  And while we were touring the place, they showed us some of the kind of therapeutic wheelchairs they desperately needed and the irony was that the ones they showed us had originally come into the country with past Joni and Friends teams.  Anyhow, the highlight of that meeting was that together we made a decision to partner for a pilot program which will give an opportunity to 25 of the children in the poor facilities to come and be a part of this facility and receive proper care and a hope and a future. 

Our third major meeting was with the Central Authority – OPA and the Prosecutor’s office which handles all adoption cases.  I have met several times over the last five years with the Prosecutor and on this occasion I felt like we accomplished some significant things on a number of fronts.  I believe that this was due to much prayer and the grace of God!   But much prayer is still needed as it relates to great change that is imperative for the systems which are overseeing the wellbeing of the children in this country.

Jeanie said it best when I asked her how she would summarize the day when she said, “It just feels really good to be right where God wants you to be. And I know we are supposed to be right here right now.”

Well, there was a lot more to this very full day, but I am so very tired and very hungry. Our food just arrived in the hotel room and we leave at 6 am tomorrow for Honduras, so I’d better sign off.  We covet your prayers.  Oh and my little Maya has taken some major steps back in potty training since I've been gone from home.. oh well.    

News from El Salvador

“Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.”  Philippians 2:2

I am here in El Salvador with my friend, Jeanie Haas and two of her children, Abbey (12 years) and Anna (17 years), and Brian Luwis and his daughter, Sophie (12 years).  The trip has already had so many signs of the fingerprints of God upon it that I cannot possibly share them all here.  But I would like to share the reactions of both Anna and Jeanie after our time spent with my dear, dear friends the Hawkins at their baby home. This older couple, Sam and Julie Hawkins, have been serving, practically without a break, in El Salvador for over 20 years to restore to health malnourished infants and then to return them to their birth mothers after these mothers have received proper Biblical and practical counseling and training on caring for these little ones.  The Hawkins support these birth mothers and their families with formula and food for several months after the children return home, each having been restored to health at the Love Links Center thanks to much prayer and care.

 I met the Hawkins about five years ago on my first trip to El Salvador when I had traveled here with Senator Landrieu and a CCAI congressional delegation.  And when I first walked into the Love-link baby home, something happened that had never happened to me before:  I immediately began to weep because of how strongly I sensed the presence of my God.  As the Hawkins shared their story with the delegation and toured us around their facility, I became even more convinced that I was truly in the presence of Jesus as he dwelt so strongly in this place and with these disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ as they cared for His little ones.  A few years later, I returned to Love Links with Mary Beth Chapman, Sue Badeau and Rene Luwis and again was overwhelmed by the presence of God in that place.  Today, God has been exceedingly gracious to grant me the privelege of being with these amazing saints one more time.  Oh, how truly joyful it is to be with believers who are completely like-minded, having the same love and being of one spirit and purpose.  And yet how humbling to see this couple giving their entire adult lives unto Jesus in this kind of taxing service to the neediest of all – every single day.

 So, here was my evening conversation with Anna (17 years old) and her reactions to the day.

“So, Anna, what did you think about our time with the Hawkins this morning?” 

Anna’s response:  “I thought they were amazing.  How they never ask for any money.  They completely trust God to provide.  I saw in them how when you know that everything belongs to Jesus and that everything has to come from Him, that this is how you are going to be most affective.  Look at all that this couple is doing with prison ministry and with ministry to these malnourished babies, and that fact that they should be retired…yet how God is using them so much still.  It is clear that they just totally surrendered to God and this is why God is so powerfully using them among these groups - with needy babies and fathers and men in prison.  While listening to Sam Hawkins talk to us, all I kept thinking was, “How can I be used by God like Him.” And I just kept realizing that it is about being totally surrendered to the Lord.  It was like the pastor taught at church this morning about being not just a “fan” of Jesus but being His disciple. To allow God to use you however he wants to without condition.  For me the Hawkins’ ministry at Love Links was just the perfect picture of how God wants us to be completely submitted to His guidance and leadership as we seek to be used in ministry to the needy, to the least, to whomever God has for us to minister to.  

You know what else amazed me was hearing what Sam told each of those men, mostly gang members, in the prison.  That he said to each of them, ‘Te amo’ (I love you) and that he told them that they were made by God for more than this place, and that God wanted them out of here and that he did too.  The fact that he told them that we are to love God, and that if we love God then we are to love our neighbors.  He said that if they say they love God but hate their neighbors they are liars.  Then when same told them about his sacrifice to love them - amazing, He said, ‘I have two grandchildren in the states whom I love very much, but I have chosen to obey God and live here with you as my neighbors instead of being with them.  I do this because I love God and I told each of you that I love you, because you are my neighbor and I am not a liar.”  

(So, you want to see your teenager impacted for Jesus Christ and service to His people, I strongly encourage you to get out among the work of God's trusting and sacrificing saints with the poor and needy.  I have seen this time and time again: The Gospel in action has the most powerful impact of all, even on a skeptical generation of youth. That's was Jesus' example anyhow!) 

“So, Jeanie, (Anna's mom) what’d you think of the Hawkins?”

Jeanie’s response:  “I was so struck by their humility.  I am trying to think of adjectives to describe them…and wisdom comes to mind.  You know what I loved? When I heard how Sam responded to you when you asked him about his cancer surgery on Tuesday and his triple by-pass earlier this year, wow – the fact that He said, “Well, yes, I had a few bumps in the road, but we all have bumps in the road here in this life now don’t we, but God’s been faithful to bring us through.”  I guess, when I heard his response, it made me think about how Paul says, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ.”  I see them as a couple to be imitated.  Just as Jesus says, I am gentle and humble of heart; I see them also as gentle and humble.  But they are very wise also.  But I do want to see them go on a vacation sometime – to get a little break.  They need a respite especiallywith all he’s gone through this year.  I was just very happy to be there today. I loved hearing the testimonies of some of the 1,100 babies they have restored to health.  They have phenomenal patience. You know what kind of patience you’d have to have?  Not only with the birth mothers, but to see such incremental improvements in the lives of these babies takes such patience.  We so need to pray that God will send a couple to come alongside them.  I was also really struck today by the idea that we have it all backwards.  These little kids may be the ‘least of these’ according to our worldly economy; but I was so aware, as I held that little baby, Stephanie, today, that to God these babies are the ‘most of these’. When Sam talked about going into the prisons, it was so clear that he knew that it is only Jesus who transforms lives and this was so encouraging too.  He knows that it is Jesus who transforms that lives of those babies and he knows that it is Jesus who transforms the lives of those prisoners.   Remember how we just kept saying we don’t know why we are going on this trip, and how our husbands just knew we were supposed to go?  Well, if being with the Hawkins was the reason,.. to encourage them, and to be encouraged by them, then this could be the whole reason and that would be enough to make the trip completelyworth it. But probably God will just keep doing even more tomorrow and in the days to come in Honduras.Today was just so overwhelming, Kerry, but in a good way.” 

Then Jeanie finished up by saying, “On a funny note before we go to bed...listen to this Kerry and Anna.  You know that Time magazine I bought in the store downstairs?  Well, I sat down to read it and as I did it couldn’t understand why it was talking about how Obama may win the election.  And then when I looked again at the cover I realized that they had sold me the December 8^th issue of Time.  So, if you want to catch up on old news, I can tell you what happened in December. Hilarious!”

(On a side note, we swam in a natural lake created several thousand years ago by God inside a volcanic crater.  Amazing!  Once I get the proper cords to upload photos I will share some from our time at Love-Links and the volcanic crater lake.) 

(On a funny note:  We asked what kind of fish filet we were ordering for lunch and the waitress whose English was extremely limited said, “I think it's called Goldfish!”…UUHH probably not, I changed my order to vege pasta!)

(On a note of gratitude: Thanks for your prayers for the trip.  Please do keep praying, we have several meetings with government officials regarding the orphan care and adoption process here and we will be visiting a home for children with cerebral palsy and a home full of social orphans tomorrow.  May the Lord honor each of you for praying and for being a part of this trip in a very real way from God’s heavenly perspective.)

To get to the Hawkin's website, the web address is www.love-link.org  

Godliness + Contentment = Great Gain

"Godliness with contentment is great gain." I Timothy 6:6 

 It has been very curious to me how over these last two weeks, I have been asked by a number of different people, all who do not know one another, why it seems I am so content and peaceful even in difficult circumstances.

Contentment is in fact something I think about and even consciously battle to “walk” in on a daily basis; however, it is not something I often talk about or have ever really written about.   

The reason I think about it so often is because I have become well aware that it is the key to enjoying even the mundane as well as surviving well the more difficult parts of life. When I am striving to be where I am not or to have what others have that I do not, I loose my internal peace; and the things in front of me which God is calling me to accomplish suddenly get really hard to do! 

Allowing my mind to be somewhere other than where I currently am, makes my heart divided and steals the joy in what is happening right before me.  If I indulge this divided heart, I have found it can even make me resent the things and people who are before me – even my closest loved ones.  And I so hate that feeling of discontent and the stress that follows!  I usually end up doing nothing well when my heart is divided. In these instances, I end up mentally and emotionally exhausted and also dissatisfied in all areas because I am so busy "working" in two very different places at once:  the place God had placed me in and the place my mind was striving to be.  This kind of striving not only takes its toll on us personally but also on our relationships with others.

But honestly, in these last few years, I have gotten so used to enjoying a great amount and frequency of internal peace and contentment, that when it leaves my soul its absence feels almost intolerable.  When this happens, I am learning to go more quickly to God and ask Him to reveal what aspect of my flesh has “risen up” and gotten in the way of my peace and contentment. I then ask the Holy Spirit to help me fight the battle for contentment in my mind and heart.  Asking that God begin to help me focus again on being fully present in what God has placed before me to do right now.       

Certainly, there are bad circumstances; yes, very difficult circumstances that humans face here.  Life in this broken world can be horribly painful…with sicknesses, deferred hopes, financial problems, death of loved ones, shattered relationships...not to mention how we as people have a terrible tendency to continually say and do very hurtful things to one another.  But even in all these things, we can find contentment in Christ.  Contentment, just like joy, is something that is found apart from circumstances. 

My mom often says, “Other people can’t make you feel a certain way. They can do and say harmful things, but how you react and feel as a result is a matter of your own choosing.” 

The other day Cole was singing and another child with whom he was playing told him that he was stupid for singing.  Cole shared with the child’s grandmother that she had called him “stupid”, and said she probably should be disciplined for it. I later asked Cole, “Cole you know you are not stupid and that singing is not stupid, don’t you?”  He said, “I know mom.  Lots of cool people sing (thank you Steven for being such a positive influence over Cole). He then continued, “ but don’t worry mom, other than her calling me stupid, I really do like playing with her.  Plus, I think she needs me to still be her friend because if this is how she talks to other kids she probably doesn’t have a lot of them.”   Cole chose rightly and as a result did not loose his internal peace.

Anyhow, back to regaining my lost peace and contentment. To help me find the source of my discontent the Lord has been faithful to use His Word in my life through such scriptures as, (2 Cor. 10:12)“When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” Or (James 3:16) “For where you have envy or selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.” Or (Proverbs 14:30) “ A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”  Or (Proverbs 30:8-9) “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” Or (Matt. 6:8) “Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

   I have lived in number of nice homes and I have also lived in a cockroach infested apartment and an itty-bitty mobile home in a not-so-nice part of town.  I have dined with foreign heads of state and I have survived on free crackers and mustard when money was tight.  I have been loved and accepted by many and rejected by many others.  I have enjoyed flying around the world and visiting foreign lands, just as I have enjoyed long seasons of being home-bound while diaper changing, doing dirty laundry, vacuuming, and cooking.  I have nearly frozen to death in Siberia, been robbed in Brazil, hit by a tram in St. Petersburg, and almost died on an island in Malaysia.  And since being married, Scott and I have been both gainfully employed and very unemployed and struggling financially.  

But in experiencing all of these circumstances, I realized I was still me and God was still God.  He still loved me and got me through.  My standing with Him didn’t change. My circumstances did not make me better or worse, wiser or more foolish, more or less worthy.  They just were what they were.  And God still is what He is and always has been.  And I am still His!

The important and eternal things inside of me go with me to all of these places and are alive despite all of these life circumstances.  I have really come to understand and believe that even in a poor slum or being rejected by wealthy people, I am still a child of the King.  Whether I am speaking to important people or changing Maya’s panties which she just wet, I am still able to please God the same amount because it is my obedience to do with joy the very things that God has called me to do and has been placed right before me which gives me true peace.

The Lord is my Shepherd…and as a result I have every thing I need…I shall not want.  If the thing I long for is needful for me and is God’s plan for me and for His kingdom, then it will be.  I do take the Word and what it says about asking and knocking, seeking and supplicating very seriously, but I also then choose to rest and let go once I have laid it at the altar in prayer. 

When Isabella died, I had a very tearful conversation with God as I read His Word.  And in my time with Him, God showed me through His Word that my being pregnant for nine months was needful for me and for His Kingdom plans.  But is not something I can ever fully grasp in this life.  He was calling me to trust Him even in this.  I realized that if God’s word is true then if it was needful for my soul, the souls of others or for God’s kingdom for Isabella to live, then God would not have taken her unto Himself so soon. Part of the confidence and the contentment I have in painful circumstances has come as a result of learning to live a stronger prayer life.  So many times I asked for God’s will and specifically for my baby’s life and for her protection.  And I trust my God.  I know His plans cannot be thwarted and I know that He hears my prayers.  But I also know that when I do not understand the blessings which don’t seem to come and when provisions only comes at the eleventh hour and in smaller portions than my little mind believes is needful, I am still confident that My Shepherd has given me what has been needful, even if it means the most needed thing of all is the grace to get through the trials.   

Next time you struggle with wanting things or circumstances to be more or different than they are, simply ask your Shepherd if it's needful for your good and for the good of His kingdom.  If it is, then it will be, eventually.

And in the meantime and the in between times, remember that true contentment can be attained even in the darkest of circumstances.  And when it comes it will bring light and joy and peace to your thirsty soul.  But please be aware that there will certainly be those around you who will not understand your reactions.  Because according to the world, you should not be peaceful when you are in great pain, sorrows or trials.  But if you are it will most strongly testify to either how good and powerful is your God, or perhaps how crazy you must now be.  Either way it makes for good conversation.

I wish you all true peace and contentment no matter what you are now facing!

Haphazard Prayer and Personal Update

A little Levity: My little brother, Tommy, the one who I hope ends up with a loving Christian Wife and who is 29 years old was home visiting with us and staying at my parents house over these last few days.  Anyhow, when he woke up this morning, he used my parent's new toothpaste "DENTIN".  Or so, he thought.  As it turns out, what he brushed his teeth with this morning was "overnight rash relieving" DESITIN.  So sorry TOM! He really is smarter than it may seem here.

Potty Update:

Maya's still going strong on the potty training.  I appreciate the advice from one of the commenters about trying not to return to diapers.  I Have to say that I wanted to return to diapers far more than Maya did and your comment helped me refrain.  Diapers are so reliable especially when we are out and about. I am happy to report that I did decide to stop making her wear Cole's underwear and go out and get her some panties of her own. And despite a few accidents she is still very interested in potty training, particularly because of the princess and tinker bell panties she is now so proud of wearing. When we are away from the house she hates not having her potty seat though.  I have no idea if this is appropriate or not to do; but today, I took her potty seat with me in a plastic grocery bag into Panera Bread for lunch.  And I am glad I did.  Its the only reason she was willing to go there - accident averted. 

Prayer Update:

For those of you who have been praying for some of the prayer requests I have mentioned in past blogs, I am writing to update you.  

If you've prayed for the show hope trip led by Emily Chapman Richards to China, please know that it was wildly successful.  God did amazing things in and through each member of the team.

Bill Haas, the man who lost his ability to walk and was given less than a one percent chance of walking again due to a spinal cord injury back in the summer, has progressed to the point of walking even without cane!  PRAISE THE LORD.

My cousin, Laurie Richards, who has a husband and two little girls, and was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer which spread to her lungs received good news yesterday about her cancer.  Apparently, the spot in her lungs has disappeared.  Praise the Lord.   

Please continue to pray for these folks as well as Paul Singer, David Lipscomb, Betty, and Josephine in Rwanda also for the continued healing of their cancers and for God to meet them and their loved ones in their distress.  Please do continue to pray for the Chapmans emotional healing; They are doing well on their healing journey despite the continued sadness of missing Maria, and according to them a great deal of this positive progress has to do with the prayers of the thousands of saint who have lifted them up.  To see how well Will Franklin is doing is truly a testimony to prayer!  And each time I think of him and the rest of the Chapmans now, it reminds me to pray for others who suffer, particularly for those who are less well known and may have very few people praying for them.  There are many such families who have commented on this blog and have been suffering tremendous losses of their own, please do pray for them as well.  

I also ask that you lift up the names of these older orphans as well:  Theresie, Theresa (twins), Jeanne and Jeannette (twins), Byringiro and Kayishema (twins), Cyzia and Michael (twins)...all from one family and all double orphans since the Rwandan genocide.  I have mentioned them in other blogs vaguely before.  But they are much more dear to me than I could put into writing.  They are each getting older and heading out into a difficult world.  Transitioning from schooling to working is a very critical time for kids in their situation.    

Lastly, I ask for your prayers for my upcoming trip to El Salvador and Honduras.  I will heading there this Friday and returning the following Wednesday.  The purpose of the trip is to visit and evaluate several orphan care and permanency facilities for highly vulnerable children.  I will do a blog follow up about the trip upon my return.

 

Please know that I continue to pray for all your prayer requests posted. And I do so appreciate the follow-up-praise-reports which some of you have posted as well.  "Lord bless you and keep you; Lord make His face to shine upon you, be gracious unto you and give you peace."