"No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church." Ephesians 5:29
Honestly, I do not even know where to start with this blog. It has been weeks since I have shared anything about my life or the things God has been teaching me. The reason for this is because my family has encountered another dark and unexpected valley. And quite honestly, Scott and I have been doing all we knew possible in Christ to survive this trial with our souls still intact and at peace in Him.
Three weeks ago my husband, Scott, fell ill. A few days late,r he began losing feeling in his arms, legs, and feet; he developed a terrible headache, and one eye began to droop and the other stayed dilated. We began seeing various doctors and having all sorts of tests performed. Brain Tumor, Stroke, and Aneurysm were ruled out after numerous tests in the first few days, praise the Lord. However, before we left the ER we were given a flippant comment by one of the interns that it looks like he has multiple sclerosis. He continued telling us how these auto-immune diseases are on the rise and that this is a hot spot in the nation for MS.
You know, it saddens me that it takes suffering for me to really plead in prayer....to really go before the Throne of Grace and implore God's mercy for those whom I love! I wanted to tell the Lord that this was not good for us, but I knew such a thing would, at some level, be dishonest. How could I say such a thing seeing as now I found myself in His presence crying out for help which I am sure is very good for us.
Tears - so many tears! Prayers....uncessing prayers! The Words of Holy Scripture my only comfort!
And on a practical level....we began eating only fruits and vegetables...juiced, raw, and stir-fried.
At one point the doctors said it might be the bulging disc they found in his neck through his MRI, but that soon was ruled out seeing as his symptoms seemed to be affecting his nervous system with numbness and tingling showing up all over his body. It started becoming more and more clear from all that we were learning that this was some sort of auto-immune problem attacking his nerve pathways.
I asked Scott one morning during our devotional time together what he was thinking about all this; and what he said in response will stay with me for a very long time. He said, "I just believe everything is going to be O.K." I then asked him, "What does O.K. mean to you?"
He responded, "You know, I almost started down the "Why me? path," but before I could go there, I thought, "Why NOT me?"
He continued, "Honestly, whether it is a bulging disc, MS or something altogether different, I know that I have been trained for this as a soldier....a soldier in Christ."
"Uggh," I thought. "In this case I so wish we could go to boot camp and then never see combat!"
In prayer I began asking the Lord, "Why?" I wasn't really asking why me or why Scott, but rather, "why so many auto-immune diseases, what could possibly be the reason our bodies are attacking themselves...and among believers?" I know our bodies are your temple and are meant to work certain ways and I also know that we are living in this broken world and that it is all a part of this brokenness. I confessed how I know we do not take care of our bodies as we should - by allowing so much that is unhealthy to enter, but why would members of our own bodies attack itself?"
I have often told women in Bible Studies to really dive deep into the God's biblical analogies, particularly the analogy of our physical bodies being a picture of our spiritual body of christ. And during this trial, when I found myself asking God the question, "Why would a christian's body attack itself? One of the analogous messages hit me like a ton of bricks: Auto-immune diseases are an incredible physical picture of what goes on all the time in the greater body of Christ - His Church. Instead of attacking only what is truly harmful to us, foreign invaders and the diseases from a sick world, we are a people who have a foolish tendency to turn on ourselves (members of our own body) and begin to fight each other. We are so overburdened and weak (for so many reasons) that we can no longer distinguish between our own members and outside invaders.
Perhaps it is because we, like a body with a weak immune system, have allowed so many unhealthy things into our lives and called them good, living so much like the world, that we are hard pressed to distinguish between the invaders of this world and those who are part of ourselves. Wives and husband's married under God are one flesh, and yet so often are found attacking each other. The things we say and do to one another is causing great harm to ourselves. We often blame our christian brothers and sisters for things that we ourselves are unable to deal with in ourselves. Instead of addressing our pride and lack of humility when we have been offended, we attack the instruments of our own bodies that God has used to reveal it. Instead of recognizing that we have allowed so much of the darkness of this world into our lives and seeking to weed out these things which are tearing us down, we instead cut out the light so we need not "see" it. We foolishly say in our hearts, "I don't need you. You have offended me, you have hurt me, I am getting rid of you from my life" But what we fail to realize is that these might be some of the most critical members of our own bodies that we need for proper functioning in this life - for the fulfillment of our destinies. What a mess are we making of our relationships with our spouses, neighbors, and christian family in the meantime. Too often, when we are in pain and overwhelmed, we begin to randomly attack those who are members of our own body rather than the foreign invaders. We know we are hurting, but instead of taking a look at what has made us so broken, asking God for guidance in healing, we begin to attack our own and cause ourselves even more harm!
When we finally saw the neurologist, two weeks after the onset of these symptoms, Scott was diagnosed with Guillian Barre Syndrome. And, as it turns out, in Scott's case his immune system had become so weak from stress, exhaustion from travel and poor diet that when he came in contact with a virus his body was ill-equipped to fight properly and as a result it began attacking his own peripheral nervous system.
I am very happy to report that, by God's grace, Scott has been recovering extremely well. Although we do not deserve the kind of mercy that God has shown to us in this trial, I am also pleased to report that this syndrome is unlikely to reoccur in the future, at least in the physical sense.
As it relates to the spiritual sense, let's just say Scott and I are even more congnisent than before about the importance of not fighting with carnal weapons against members of our own body. We have been reminded that it is necessary that we keep our spiritual defenses strong through prayer, study of the Word, and continued repentance of our own self-love, and a continued choosing to making allowances for others faults and be more quick to forgive. We must stop being so easily offended by our own and learn to fight more diligently using spiritual weapons to battle the real enemy of our souls. We are members of One Body in Christ and we must stop harming ourselves by harming one another!
Thank you Lord Jesus for being with us and for us each step of the way. Thank you for healing Scottie!! I am also really grateful to see in such a vivid way how important it is to you that we, who are Your Holy Body, stop attacking ourselves (and one another) and harming your name as a result. You desire unity and now I do all the more!