"Be Still and Know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
For years, I have heard the whispers of God, through the Holy Spirit, to my heart more frequently in the bathroom than in any other place. And I have no doubt that the reason I hear Him there most clearly is not because this is the place He prefers to speak to my heart, but because this is one of the few places I am alone and have my heart quiet enough to hear His "still small voice." Could it be possible that the bathtub is really one of the only places I am still enough, awake enough, quiet enough and alone long enough to open my spiritual ears to hear that loving and comforting voice of my Shepherd? HHMM...well, seems so.
While reading a devotional to Cole the other day, I got to thinking about how many times in my life I declared that despite my prayers God wasn't giving me any answers or directing my steps on which way to go. But, in reading the little devotional that day I realized that it is quite likely that He was in fact speaking to me but that most likely it was I who was not being still of soul enough to hear Him. Of course, it is very feasible that He is silent on occasions; but in that devotional with Cole I was reminded that God promises to guide us and to speak our hearts when we go too far to the right or left and end up off of the path, by saying to us, "This is the way, walk in it." But like I shared with Cole that day, unless we are quiet of heart and REALLY willing to hear and heed God's voice, we might just keep missing what He is saying to us. Our own selfish desires, fears, control, jealousy, judgement, ....basically pride in one of its thousand forms can make things too "loud" in our hearts to hear Him. Busyness....what a culprit busyness is in blocking God's voice...busyness in relationships, on the computer, going here and there unnecessarily - all of these things with which we busy ourselves can also be huge detractors from hearing His voice.
Not sure I want to go into all the difficult things that transpired today, (things that sought to keep me from hearing his precious voice)....it was a pretty trying day to say the least, but I will share enough of the "low lights" and "distractions that sought to steal my peace and silence my Savior's voice. Scott has been away all week this week again. He's not usually away this much, but he has been gone for four weeks out of the last five and a half. Self-pity came knocking and prayer kept it from entering my soul - thank you Jesus. Anyhow, the first big trial came this am when I woke up with a bit of spotting and as a result spent the entire morning in the Hospital having to have tests run to make sure the baby in my womb and I were still OK . Thank the Lord, things turned out to be just fine - no dilation and baby still kicking with plenty of amniotic fluid. After they discharged me and I returned home, (hours later), I realized that the study guides I needed for the Bible Study which Scott and I are leading this Sunday did not arrive on time and that I would need to get copies made of my original for this week's study. UGGH - all I wanted to do was rest - was emotionally spent for sure. Anyhow, I got the kids gathered up as quickly as possible so that we could make it to my dad's law office before it closed so I could make copies. However, as we pulled out of the garage, I took the right sideview mirror off the car - UGGGH!. So, I ran grabbed gift wrapping tape and taped the hanging mirror to what remained of its casing and headed to make the copies. But as was par for the course today we arrived at the office 5 minutes too late and the door was locked. After quite an ordeal to find another place to make copies, we accomplished the task and I finally headed home. Once I arrived home, I decided I needed to relax so I headed to take a bath....while there I cut my leg shaving of course. UGGH!
BUT, ironically, it was here, in the bathroom, that my precious Savior began to speak! And His Holy Spirit began reminding me of a lot of really wonderful things that happened in my heart today:...right there in the bathroom (aka my haven for communication with God), He came to my side and ministered to me. I was reminded by the Holy Spirit that I do in fact trust God. I don't mean the kind of trust that says everything will turn out as I want it to turn out...but rather the kind of trust that says God will see me through whatever happens to me and around me and concerning me. I remembered that while I was lying there in the hospital alone today I chose to sing unto the Lord. Even as fear knocked at the door of my heart, I remembered thinking God is my strength, He has a plan and "it is still well with my soul"....now I must say in the spirit of total transparency my blood pressure was of course revealing that my body of FLESH was FREAKING out while my soul clung to peace - my blood pressure seems to rise quickly and and quite high with these kinds of scares...but in my soul I remained trusting in the lover of my soul....and the lover of the 24 week old baby within me. I do believe completely that God can and will do whatever is best and necessary for me!
I really do covet the prayers of God's people. So, thanks to those of you who have prayed for me, I was reminded of such prayers today. Please add the name Paul Singer and family to your prayers. He is very sick with brain cancer and he and his family are in need of God's presence and comfort in this time. Also, if you don't mind do pray that Scott arrives home safely tonight. We have really missed Him. Oh and poor little Maya; she found an old picture of her daddy in the basement a couple days ago and spent a considerable amount of time since then walking around clinging to the little picture and saying repeatedly, "I love my daddy, I miss my daddy, my daddy is so handsome!" At one point she misplaced it and cried until we found it. I am glad that we finally put it on the refrigerator door so we don't run into that problem of losing this" precious in her sight" item again.
So, despite all that has transpired here this day, I really am grateful for the Lord and his great grace, mercy, and presence in our lives!
Kerry, I don't know who Paul Singer is but I am praying for God's healing for him, comfort for his family as they go through this, and that those around them will see God because of this. My husband had brain cancer in 1998, it was a long crazy battle that he nearly lost a few times. God allowed him to be healed and he is a walking miracle. Its a long hard journey but no matter what, God is good. We can see so many blessings out of all the pain, including now having more children through the gift of adoption. We are blessed beyond measure!
And of course, praying for you too and your sweet family!
Posted by: Patty Smith | March 27, 2010 at 01:42 AM
PRaying for you and Paul Singer. Be Still and know that I am God, something that I don't do often enough. I am really going to work on this aspect of my life.
Posted by: Julie in CA | March 27, 2010 at 03:59 AM
Yesterday was certainly one of "those days" for you, wasn't it Kerry? I'm so sorry it was rough, and I wish I lived closer so you could have called me to sit with you at the hospital, or pick up the kids, or make copies. But it sounds like God's Grace stepped in and you did just fine anyway. I hope Scott is home for awhile, and I pray that ya'll receive a big blessing from the Bible Study on Sunday. The story of Maya missing Daddy is adorable. She was doing what YOU wanted to do, right? Children are often our "mini-me's" anyway. I'm thankful that Baby Hasenbalg is safe and sound. Sorry about the side mirror. There's probably a whole 'nother spiritual lesson to be gleaned from that experience, but I'll leave that between you & The Lord. :)
Paul & his family are in my thoughts & prayers today.
Love from NC.
Posted by: cindi m. | March 27, 2010 at 08:27 AM
Thank you for sharing your needs sweet friend!! I will gather the children and have them pray for your beautiful baby and for Scott!! I am so sorry to hear about Paul Singer. I knew of him through you when we were in DC. Is he a believer?
We are so looking forward to seeing you soon.... just 5 more days before we leave England and the reality is upon us but we are at peace and excited to move on to the next chapter of our lives!
I love that God speaks you to while you are in the bath!! You'll just have to make sure you spend even more time in there!!
love you,
Naomi
Posted by: naomi cuozzo | March 27, 2010 at 09:31 AM
Praying for you and thank you for sharing of God's peace in your heart in the midst of life's storms. Love and hugs, Tricia
Posted by: tricia w | March 28, 2010 at 07:15 AM
God is everywhere, bathroom is not only place that you can memorize the God, but this thought comes in your mind because you feel your self relax in bathroom than any other part of your house.
Posted by: Towel Rails | April 30, 2010 at 04:49 AM
AWESOME! This has been my experience as well. It's God's grace to busy moms....lol ;)
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