Kerry Hasenbalg

Missing Daddy

Bigger than Life

Have you ever known someone who seemed bigger than life? Well, I have; and one of those "bigger than life" people was my dear friend, Paul Singer. Last night at the congressional coalition on adoption's Angels in Adoption event in DC, Paul was honored posthumously for a life well-lived. And as the award was being presented I thought "yes, this proves his soul was indeed bigger than life." His compassionate work for orphans lives on in everyone he touched... And because of his sincere relationship with God, his own soul is bigger than this life as well- actually as big as eternal life!" praise the Lord!

The photos posted below are of my kids at the event. While we were there my son found out, apparently for the first time, that I used to work outside the home. Then, when he found out I was the organization's founding director, he said with great excitement, "Mom, you were the boss of all this?  And I thought you were just the boss of me, Maya and Leah!"  He continued by asking, "So, then why'd they get rid of you?" I responded by explaining to him how I had chosen to stay home with him because I had felt God's leading to do so and also because Daddy's job would provide enough to pay our bills. I could see in his face when I told him this that he felt very special indeed.

Anyhow, the event was great. The kids met Danny Devito, Rhea Pearlman, and few other such people whom they'd never heard of before. Fame and worldly status sure are fleeting things... And my kids sure reminded me of this last night.

May we all remember to pour into the things which are eternal so that our souls and our legacies will, too, be bigger than life!"

...faith, hope, and love- these three things remain, but the greatest of these is love. 1cor. 13

Hold on now- Believing by Faith

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when it is come it is a tree of life."

After our infant daughter, Isabella, went to be with the Lord, Scott and I returned to our rented home with our then 15 month old daughter, Maya, and five year old son, Cole.  In those days, it was quite difficult for me to stay my mind on anything other than sorrow, death, and loss.  One of the ways I tried to combat this was by having worship music played in our home.  I began playing the "Praise Baby" DVDs that my friend, Natalie Gillespie, had given to me as a baby gift when Maya was born.  The images and themes of these DVDs are similar to the popular Baby Einstein DVDS, but instead of classical music it is produced with beautiful praise and worship songs being sung in the background.  As a result of these DVDs, I would sing worship music throughout the day and even in the night and its messages would act as a healing balm to my bleeding heart.

Now, more than two and a half years later and living in a new house, I found those Praise baby DVDs and decided to put them in the player to listen to once again.  As it began to play this evening, I was immediately taken back to that time of pain and loss of our daughter.  I turned to Scott and said, "These songs reminds me of losing Isabella."  I then walked into the living room and looking down at the bouncy seat on which our three month old, Leah, was lying, I suddenly realized that so much had changed.  Instead of an empty cradle before me, I saw before me a healthy beautiful and very much alive baby girl, a picture of God's great blessing and redemption in our lives.  

I am acutely aware that there are so many who are currently in seasons of pain and not of redemption.  My aunt's mother, Honey Apple (Appalonio), at the age of 95, is this very evening on her way to being with Jesus.  Her passing from this world to the next brings great sadness to our family !  She, however, will at last be reunited with her beloved husband of more than 50 years, Rocky Appalonio as well as her husband redeemer, Jesus.

Here's a picture of Honey Apple and her devoted daughter, MaryAnne Richards. This picture was taken at our home just a couple of weeks ago at Maya's 4th birthday.  I have never met anyone more loving to children than Honey!

(Just as an interesting side note I want to point out the painting hanging behind Honey and Mary Anne in the picture as it has great meaning for me in this situation.)  When I first saw this painting, I had a chance to talk with the artist who painted it,  David Armstrong,  about what I personally saw in the picture.  I told him that it reminded me of the sermon given by Reverend John Dounne entitled, “For Whom the Bell Tolls”.   Before the painter's own untimely death, he signed my print with the words, "For my friend Kerry, don't ask for whom the bells tolls - peace David."

So, why do I point out this painting and its inscription now? Well, because of the meaning of these words. ”For Whom the bell tolls” refers to how folks would send a runner to the church when the church bell would ring in order to find out who had died. But Rev. Dounne's point in the sermon is that we need not first ask WHO has died, but rather that we ought to first recognize that with one man's passing a piece of us all dies with that person (Dounne was teaching about our need of one another, our interdependence and our common mortality!)  – He preached that we are not “islands entire of ourselves, but we are a part of the continent – the whole” …he continued saying that…”one man’s death diminishes me!”  And in this passing of sweet Honey, we are all being diminished somehow.  

But one day Lord, you have promised to unite us all again!  And we know so well how you keep all your promises!

Many of you, like those in my Aunt MaryAnne's family, find yourselves ina season of life that is perhaps one of loss rather than of redemption.  And if this is you, I pray that you will not let go of your trust and hope in the One who can and will redeem, heal and make things better on your behalf in His way and in His time!

Hold on now by Faith!  "Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the substance of things not yet seen!"     

There is a song sung by Mandisa entitled, "He is with You", to which I encourage anyone who's known the valley to listen.  I cannot listen to it without crying and being reminded to the depth of my soul that even in the darkest valleys I am not alone!  "Even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, fear not for I am with you!" Psalm 23