Relational Poverty

"God places the lonely in families"  Psalm 68:6

When it comes to relationships, I am a very rich woman indeed!  I have been exceedingly blessed with a caring and close-knit birth family, wonderful and lasting friendships from every season of my life, and a loving husband and amazing children.  
For many years, I wondered why the Lord  had called me into work with foster kids and orphans considering the fact that my life had very little in common with each of theirs.  It wasn't until a few years ago when I found myself sitting in a circle around a bonfire, by a river, in the middle of the woods in Pennsylvania, with 14 young adults who had aged out of the US foster care system that a possible answer to this question occurred to me. Perhaps God had endowed me with so many relationships in order that I would share them with those who were in need of such loving relationships.

Command those who are rich in this present age not to be haughty, nor to trust in uncertain riches but in the living God, who gives us richly all things to enjoy. Let them do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to give, willing to share. ITi 6:17-18

Back in 2001, when I helped start the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute (CCAI), as its Executive Director, our organization had very little money.  Lots of heart and a big name, but no real financial resources to speak of.  We worked with 170 members of the US Congress but our headquarters were in the basement of Scott and my townhouse.  Lynnette Cole, Miss USA 2000, was working for me - FOR FREE.  Wendy Cosby, our founding program director was working for a salary we hoped we could raise.  We were hosting more than a dozen former foster youth from all over the US for their work as interns on Capitol Hill for the summer, but we had no money to host a much needed bonding retreat for them.  Talk about smoke and mirrors!  So,in order to accomplish what we had set out to do, I decided to spend the one resource which I was personally rich in at the time in order to compensate for our lack of money - relationships from my hometown.  

I asked Barb Walzer, my mother's closest friend growing up, and the first contributer to CCAI (because her mother had grown up in an orphanage in the US), if she would open her very large home and host our foster youth interns (FYI) for a retreat.  She said, "yes".  Well, not only did she host that year, but she has hosted it every year since.  My parents, my siblings, my in-laws, my parents' church congregation, my childhood neighbors and various childhood friends have all taken part - not only in the retreat but in the lives ongoing of so many of these youth who have come over the years.  Several of the interns have returned many times during the holiday seasons to stay with Barb or my parents, because they knew that the invitation to "return anytime" with sincere.  And we have all found that the joy has truly been in the giving of friendship because we in turn have received far more than our hearts could have ever imagined. God used the fact that our charity had so little money in order that we would learn that it is relational wealth that is needed to be shared with orphans and foster children far more than money! 

I am very aware that the reasons so many of my relationships are so rich is because of the power of God which formed them and has held them together.  Relationships founded and sustained by the truth and love of the Lord have an amazing way of lasting and blessing beyond measure.  And I am so grateful that the Lord has shown me that these relationships are for me to share with those who are relationally impoverished.  

Scott and I have spent the last three weeks visiting with a number of very dear friends and experiencing true fellowship as described in the Word of God.  We went to Nashville as a family to attend the Show Hope Fellowship weekend.  We were in Tennessee for nearly two weeks working and spending time with our friends there who are connected to the ministry of Show Hope - what an awesome bunch of people they are!! Upon our return to Pennsylvania, we took a short trip to New York City with a couple of relatively new friends from Danville, the Swartzentrubers, to attend an exciting event hosted by Hugh Jackman, his wife Deborra-Lee Furness and Vera Wang.  The event was regarding the Global Orphan Crisis.  Because of Scott and my many years of work in the field, we ended up knowing at least a third of those in attendance.  And it was really fun to see so many familiar faces because all were people whom we had known as a result of working in the fields of the fatherless - so our connects were ones which God had authored and therefore rich relationships as well.  Then, this past weekend we opened our home to host a darling family of six, the Cuozzos, whom we had been in ministry with a number of years ago in DC. It was such a joy for us to spend time with their four darling children and to finally have a chance to get to know their newly adopted daughter Lydia Hope.  What a joy it has been to spend time with all these dear friends of ours because of each one's love for the Lord and desire to have relationships with us that are "in the light"!  

(Cuozzo and Hasenbalg Clans)

(Cuozzo and Hasenbalg Kids)

(Steve Joy Chapman and Maya)

(Wendy Cosby, Jimmy Wayne, DeLynn Redman)

(Nephew T.R., brother Bob, My mom, Maya, and nephew Jacob on the bowling computer)

(Leah with Katie McGunnigal - one of Show Hope's new and awesome additions! Speaks Chinese and loves God)

(Emily Chapman and my kiddos - had some great fellowship while she was on break from Bible College in Ireland)

As I reflect upon the whirlwind we have experienced over these last three weeks, I realize that there are two things which are common in all of these relationships - 1) that each and everyone of them involves a love for God and  2) personal involvement in caring for orphans. 

Perhaps when we are willing to share our hearts and relationships with those who are relationally impoverished our own relationships will in turn become even richer as a result.  At least this has been my experience.   

Lord, please help me to desire relational wealth above monetary wealth.  Help me to tend to my relationships wisely and generously for your glory.  Remind me that the hard work it takes to "live in the light" is worth it because of the honest and real relationships that it produces. And finally, give me eyes to see those who are relationally poor and in need of care, time, conversation, love, and a familiy. 

Comments

[Christopher]

During this season of Thanksgiving, we give thanks and offer prayer for you and Scott.
you open your hearts and touch countless souls.Could you imagine the world if more families were to follow your inspiration example of what "Family" should be.When God looks down upon you both he surely smiles at all you do.

[JulieinCA]

I really loved this blog entry. I am blessed to have many friends worldwide but have empathy for those who have family issues. My own family was affected by divorce and I didn't have that "normal" you had. In fact, my sisters and I have no relationship but that is a long story. Anyways, I should learn to take my hurts and use them for God and his kingdom, I bet there are girls out there who would want a sister relationship. Hard to put in a comment and I am rambling. But, God used this blog to speak to my heart.

[Rebekah]

just reading this made me cry. thank you.

[guangdong2001]

Good a.m., Kerry,

It has been a time since I have been to your blog. Your family is absolutely beautiful!

I come to your blog this morning and feel very blessed. I begin by sharing an experience I recently had within my home. A young woman shared with me her painful journey through the U.S. foster care system. My heart was broken as I listened to her share her life....her life!! She is an amazing young, 26 years old, woman. She is married and now a mother, herself! As I sit here and go over and over in my mind the words she shared, the experiences she was forced to live, I wonder, what am I to do with what she shared with me. She is a young woman who knows the Lord.

The things she shared with me about group homes, living with exteneded family members and foster homes just really broke my heart. I was and probably still am very ignorant about the U.S. foster care system. I am a Mom of five. My threee youngest daughters were all born and adopted in China. I am aware of horrible conditions for the orphan in other countries and yet, honestly, very lacking in knowledge of the U.S. foster care system.

Kerry, I come to you looking for answers to much of what this young lady shared with me. I notice you speak of a charity or foundation C.C.A.I, Congressional Coalition of Adoption Institute. I wonder if you can share with me more about your organization. You also speak of F.Y.I., foster youth interns. Wondering if you can share about this, and, also about your retreats that you host. Are these retreats only hosted in your home state or do you host them throughout the U.S. Is there a way others can help to fund what it is you are hoping to do, maybe, come alongside and support somehow?

Honestly, I just have very little insight into our foster care system. What I recently heard just makes me so sad, yet, I did see great Hope in this young woman!! I want to be able to take what she shared with me and possibly make it better for those who are close to aging out of the system...which honestly, I had no idea here in the U.S. children/teens aged out of the system, at what age do they "age out"? I knew this occured in other countries...but, did not know that happens in the U.S.

Kerry, I would love to be hear anything you would like to share!! I feel this young woman was placed in my home for a reason. God spoke to me that day about how very little I know about our foster care system. When I read your blog I can truly feel your heart for the fatherless and I feel you are the one to share what you know and how others can help.

Look forward to hearing from you, and, may
God continue to bless your beautiful family.

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I'm always touched by this when I see such happy families. cherish it and take care of each other, it is very important